Team Carlson

Mexico

2012-01-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

Josh and I (and Boone) had a very special Christmas gift this year. We escaped the dreary weather and the busy, loud, after-Christmas house and went on a vaction. We spent a week in sunny, beautiful San Jose del Cabo. Josh does some work for a friend who pays him in frequent flyer miles, which is so much better than money because you can't use it on groceries or bills. The big kids stayed home with a babysitter.

I am no longer allowed to feel jealous of people that go on vacation, because now I am one of them!!!

So, obviously our time revolved more around Boone than each other, but that's how it goes with a baby. Taking care of one instead of 5 was a vacation in and of itself. It was a sweet time getting to dote on him and give him all of our attention. He is a jolly, cuddly little boy who is a delight to care for. What a wonderful little suprise he is.

Despite really wanting the break from our busy life with the big kids we missed them a lot. Too much really. Sometimes we had to remind ourselves to stop moaning about how much we missed the kids and have a good time. Parenting, it is horribly and wonderfully all-consuming isn't it?

As such experiences go, the trip already seems a distant memory. I'm so thankful we got to do it.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

Boone Thomas. First Christmas, 2011

Micah Tesfaye, First Christmas, 2006

All is well

2011-12-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

One of my least favorite things to do is wait around for my pictures to download off of my camera. I wait until worry creeps in about photos getting errased and then I finally do it. With some new pictures to share, here is a post.

Micah on a field trip

My sister took this one. Thank you!

Uncle Drew wth the babies

Smarty pants

Another smarty pants

Back in October Nardos turned 14! We also celebrated our 4 year famiversary. This picture was taken by Lisa . . . she recently did a family photo shoot for us. I'll put up more of her handi-work another time.

No description necessary

Netsie turned 12 in November. We celebrated on Thanksgiving.

Christmas is coming!

Great Grandmothers

2011-11-16T08:20:00.001-08:00

Great Grandma Doris (Josh's Grandma)

Gread Grandma Pauline (My Grandma)

*Oh how I wish Nanny wasn't missing from this line-up.

Soccer Season

2011-11-16T08:00:00.001-08:00

Hana and Micah played soccer for the first time this year. Nardos also played for her school and Netsanet begs to play, but is involved in lots of other things. With so many kids enjoying soccer I need to start paying attention and learn how the game works. What in the world is off-sides?

Both Hana and Micah were on teams with friends from church, which was great fun for them, but also meant I got to hang out with their moms at practices and games. A good stragegy.

Turns out having Micah wait a year to start kindergarten has advantages beyond academics. He was shockingly good at this. Athleticism had a hand in it, but being a little older was a major advantage as well. His team is undefeated!

Hana did great too. She played on a co-ed team and hung in there really well with all of the boys.

Boone has spent almost every Saturday morning of his life bundled up at the soccer field.

Basketball and volleyball are next. The warmer venues will be welcome.

Smile

2011-11-01T16:56:00.001-07:00

Can't sleep

2011-10-31T03:56:00.000-07:00

My baby just slept for a 4 hour chunk and I now feel so refreshed I can't sleep. It is 3am and I'm wide awake thinking about all of the stuff I want to get done. Rather than start on the laundry I thought I'd post an update. The short story is, our family is doing great. It feels so good to say that. My prayer throughout the pregnancy was that this baby would draw our family together in new ways and hallelujah, Boone has done exactly that. We're all in love and enjoying each other enjoying him.

As usual, my kids are loving school and thriving there. Nardos especially has taken off academically and socially which is another answered prayer. She is a leader in a mentoring program at her school and was elected to be an ASB Representative last week. She wraps up her soccer season this week and starts volleyball next week. Hana and Micah are playing soccer at the YMCA and love it. Netsie seems to be settling in to her big personality. She is on the dance team at school and every other activity she can manage to sign up for. The only reason all of these activities work is because I don't have to drive to them all. We live next door to our elementary school and within walking distance to the middle school. I still drive to and fro an awful lot, but not nearly as much as if I had to transport to school and all of its related activities.

Boone is such a beloved treat. He goes with the flow of this big family pretty well. He is comfortable with (and seems to enjoy) lots of activity. The kids are constantly touching, jostling, kissing and holding him. He is beginning to smile which is a nice reward for me. He also chuckles in his sleep which is enough to make my heart burst.

Surrounded by siblings

When he was almost 3 weeks old our whole family flew down to Fresno for my Nanny's memorial service. My mom and aunts graciously scheduled the service after Boone was born so our family could come. I was pretty nervous about hauling my newborn out into the big wide world but everything went very well. The service was wonderful and honored her well. Nanny did a lot of things well but what she did best was love her family and it shows. Her grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews came from near and far to celebrate her life.

Big sister love

Hanging out at cousin Jubilee's 1st birthday party and baptism celebration.

Okay, enough for now, I need to try to sleep. Good night!

1 month

2011-10-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

One month already.

Doing good

2011-09-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Celebrating turning 1 week old

Nardos has fallen in love and I am so thankful! She is so sweet and soothing, a serious help.

First day of pre-kindergarten. At least someone is in school. Teachers are still striking.

First bath

Napping in the cradle my Great-Uncle Mike made for me when I was a baby. It's pretty much an antique.

A Hungry Child Can't Wait: Ask 5 for 5

2011-09-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Guest Blogger: Sarah Lenssen from #Ask5for5
Family photos by Mike Fiechtner Photography

Thank you Amanda and nearly 150 other bloggers from around the world for allowing me to share a story with you today, during Social Media Week.

A hungry child in East Africa can't wait. Her hunger consumes her while we decide if we'll respond and save her life. In Somalia, children are stumbling along for days, even weeks, on dangerous roads and with empty stomachs in search of food and water. Their crops failed for the third year in a row. All their animals died. They lost everything. Thousands are dying along the road before they find help in refugee camps.

At my house, when my three children are hungry, they wait minutes for food, maybe an hour if dinner is approaching. Children affected by the food crisis in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia aren't so lucky. Did you know that the worst drought in 60 years is ravaging whole countries right now, as you read this? Famine, a term not used lightly, has been declared in Somalia. This is the world's first famine in 20 years.12.4 million people are in need of emergency assistance and over 29,000 children have died in the last three months alone. A child is dying every 5 minutes. It it estimated that 750,000 people could die before this famine is over. Take a moment and let that settle in.

The media plays a major role in disasters. They have the power to draw the attention of society to respond--or not. Unfortunately, this horrific disaster has become merely a footnote in most national media outlets. News of the U.S. national debt squabble and the latest celebrity's baby bump dominate headlines. That is why I am thrilled that nearly 150 bloggers from all over the world are joining together today to use the power of social media to make their own headlines; to share the urgent need of the almost forgotten with their blog readers. Humans have the capacity to care deeply for those who are suffering, but in a situation like this when the numbers are too huge to grasp and the people so far away, we often feel like the little we can do will be a drop in the ocean, and don't do anything at all.

When news of the famine first hit the news in late July, I selfishly avoided it. I didn't want to read about it or hear about it because I knew I would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I wanted to protect myself. I knew I would need to do something if I knew what was really happening. You see, this food crisis is personal. I have a 4-year-old son and a 1 yr-old daughter who were adopted from Ethiopia and born in regions now affected by the drought. If my children still lived in their home villages, they would be two of the 12.4 million. My children: extremely hungry and malnourished? Gulp. I think any one of us would do anything we could for our hungry child. But would you do something for another mother's hungry child?

My friend and World Vision staffer, Jon Warren, was recently in Dadaab Refugee Camp in Kenya--the largest refugee camp in the world with over 400,000 people. He told me the story of Isnino Siyat, 22, a mother who walked for 10 days and nights with her husband, 1 yr-old-baby, Suleiman, and 4 yr.-old son Adan Hussein, fleeing the drought in Somalia. When she arrived at Dadaab, she built the family a shelter with borrowed materials while carrying her baby on her back. Even her dress is borrowed. As she sat in the shelter on her second night in camp she told Jon, "I left because of hunger. It is a very horrible drought which finished both our livestock and our farm." The family lost their 5 cows and 10 goats one by one over 3 months, as grazing lands dried up. "We don't have enough food now...our food is finished. I am really worried about the future of my children and myself if the situation continues."

Will you help a child like Baby Suleiman? Ask5for5 is a dream built upon the belief that you will.

That something I knew I would need to do became a campaign called #Ask5for5 to raise awareness and funds for famine and drought victims. The concept is simple, give $5 and ask five of your friends to give $5, and then they each ask five of their friends to give $5 and so on--in nine generations of 5x5x5...we could raise $2.4 Million! In one month, over 750 people have donated over $25,000! I set up a fundraiser at See Your Impact and 100% of the funds will go to World Vision, an organization that has been fighting hunger in the Horn of Africa for decades and will continue long after this famine has ended. Donations can multiply up to 5 times in impact by government grants to help provide emergency food, clean water, agricultural support, healthcare, and other vital assistance to children and families suffering in the Horn.

I need you to help me save lives. It's so so simple; here's what you need to do:

Donate $5 or more on this page (http://seeyourimpact.org/members/ask5for5)
Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
Share #Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter!

I'm looking for another 100 bloggers to share this post on their blogs throughout Social Media Week. Email me at ask5for5@gmail.com if you're interested in participating this week.

A hungry child doesn't wait. She doesn't wait for us to finish the other things on our to-do list, or get to it next month when we might have a little more money to give. She doesn't wait for us to decide if she's important enough to deserve a response. She will only wait as long as her weakened little body will hold on...please respond now and help save her life. Ask 5 for 5.

Thank you on behalf of all of those who will be helped--you are saving lives and changing history.

p.s. Please don't move on to the next website before you donate and email your friends right now. It only takes 5 minutes and just $5, and if you're life is busy like mine, you probably won't get back to it later. Let's not be a generation that ignores hundreds of thousands of starving people, instead let's leave a legacy of compassion. You have the opportunity to save a life today!

The Story

2011-09-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

*Here is the labor and delivery story. Don't read it if this stuff isn't your thing . . . but it is pretty cool.

When we learned I was pregnant we decided to plan a home birth. We told very few people, knowing there are many different opinions out there and preferred to avoid them. We did our research and decided what was best for us. Also, it should be noted that we live just minutes from the hospital should anything go wrong.

I was cared for by the incredibly amazing and competent midwife Ann Olsen. I would meet her at her cozy office for check ups and never had to go to a doctor's office. Her post-partum care has been marvelous. She does house calls . . . doctor's offices avoided yet again. We also opted to hire a doula and we were so fortunate get Patti Ramos who has been a birth educator for 25 years. We took her class which was pretty much mind-blowing. Patti is also the photographer who took the pictures of our family a few years ago when we learned my dad was sick.

So, a full week overdue, labor began.

I woke early in the morning on Friday the 9th with mild but regular contractions. They kept up for about an hour and then petered out after a shower. We walked, and I had a few more. I could kind of make them happen by moving in certain ways but nothing was serious or consistent. At 4:30ish they started again slowly and didn't stop. They grew more intense and I realized we were game-on. The kids were so excited. Netsie, Hana and Micah laid on my bed and just watched. Nardos, being the very private person that she is, was not about to step foot in that bedroom. There wasn't a lot to see, just me pacing around, sitting down, standing up, that sort of thing.

I never thought I'd post a belly picture, but I think this one is so funny. Also, something happens to a woman's modesty after having a baby.

At 5:30 Josh left with the kids to pick up dinner and take them over to Uncle John-Mark and Aunt Shantelle's house who graciously hosted them that night and the next day. We had thought about having the kids stay for the birth but their presence (as sweet as it was) was a distraction and I just needed to focus and not have to parent. I guess we're not that natural.

When Josh got home a little after 6:00 we called Patti with an update. She and her apprentice Lydia arrived at 7:15. Patti looked me over, did a quick exam and said it was time for Ann to come. I was 5cm and in active labor. The contractions felt like I expected them too. At this point they were about a minute long and coming every couple of minutes. Patti and Lydia helped me try several different positions and worked on my back.

Ann and her assistant Alyssa (her daughter) arrived at 8:30. I was in the shower at the time which helped. She got to work checking baby's heart rate and advised that I get out so she could check my progress. Turns out I was at 8 to 9 cm. So, things were moving quickly. The assistants got to work filling the birthing pool and I stayed upstairs working through the contractions, which were very intense. I was way past keeping track of anything but Josh tells me they were about a minute to 30 seconds apart.

All of a sudden my body started to double over and push. It was the strangest feeling, because it was completely involuntary. They were kind of a cross between a push and retch. With that, Ann and Patti really started hustling around trying to get my bed ready because the pool wasn't full yet. Just in the nick of time the news came that the pool was ready and between contractions I was helped downstairs. I basically jumped into the water I was so happy it was ready. It felt so good and seemed to slow and calm things down for a few minutes. Josh was right by my side the entire time. He was unshakable and amazing. I literally clung to him and didn't let go. The lighting in the room was dim, they turned on nice music and lit candles. It was perfect, just how I wanted it.

And so I pushed. This part was so, SO hard. The pushing was way beyond what I expected or imagined. The contractions came very fast and hard and for the first time I felt frightened. In the end I pushed for an hour and 20 minutes. Baby's head was asynclitic (tipped to the side) making it trickier than it should have been. Babies chins are supposed to be tucked to their chest and the top/back/crown of their head should be what pushes through and out. Well, my poor boy and I were at a disadvantage here and his sweet, soft baby head took a serious beating. As my midwife described it, his head needed to turn a corner. So finally, after working very hard for what felt like eternity (though I know many women push for much longer) Boone Thomas arrived at 10:47pm. Six hous in all, not too shabby.

Ann scooped him up out of the water and put him right onto my chest and we all cried. The relief of having him out and safe was absolutely the most gorgeous, overwhelming, physical, emotional, hormone-infused feeling of euphoria. We all cried and shouted praises. I remember hearing my midwife praising and thanking God in the background. Boone's poor head was very molded due to his funny position and the difficult pushing. Miraculously, babies skulls are designed to be able to do that very thing. I'm thankful I had seen photos of other babies with squashed up heads before or I would have been worried, but I wasn't concerned at all. I was just wildly, wondrously happy. And then before our very eyes the molding began to subside. There is just the slightest bump left which is a big bruise that will go away as the blood drains. Poor baby, ouch.

When the cord stopped pulsing and all of the blood had made its way back into our baby Josh got to cut it. He took Boone into his arms and the women (who I now feel bonded to for life) helped me upstairs to my bed and got me all situated.

Downstairs everything was magically cleaned up, packed up and put away. We called a few family members and cuddled in bed with our brand new son. My mom drove over and Ann did Boone's exam. He weighed 8lbs 12.5 oz and was 21.5 inches tall. He is fearfully and wonderfully made. Praise The Lord!

Nardos got to hold Boone once for just a minute and then we realized she has a cold so she has to keep her distance for a while. She says that when she is well she gets to hold him for a loooong time to make up for it. I should think so!

Boone and I are doing great. I'm healing quickly and we're figuring out nursing and night time. Because things in life just can't go too smoothly without some sort of glitch, the Tacoma school teachers went on strike. We love our teachers but this strike stinks. You will not find us taking baked goods to the picket line. Bless my amazing husband who is taking 4 kids to work with him all over town. Both of our moms have tried to help a bit too. I know the kids would rather be home hanging out with the baby but I just need the space and some quiet time to be with Boone right now. I guess if a strike is my biggest complaint, life is pretty good. We have a healthy, beautiful baby, our older kids are doing are great, Josh has to work, but we are thankful for the work during this tricky time and we are being loved on by lots of friends and family.

We are blessed. Thank you Jesus.

I love you Boone Baby.

*The name Boone was my dad's nick name as a young man. He spent his summers working on his uncle's cattle ranch and the name caught on there when he was 18. It followed him through his years in college and into his young adult life. Many people still knew him as Boone. I miss my dad so much and so badly wish he were here to be Abi (Grandpa) to Boone and his other grandchildren. He was so good with babies. I can just picture him holding our little bundle. Sigh. So, we named our baby boy after my beloved dad. The Thomas part is less meaningful, we just liked it. Actually, we had decided on a different middle name but when it came to putting it down on paper after he was born Josh couldn't do it. And I agreed, it didn't quite fit. So, we thought on it for another day and decided Thomas suited him much better.

Baby Bliss

2011-09-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the family Boone Thomas Carlson!

Born at home, Friday, September 9th at 10:47pm.

8lbs 12.5oz, 21.5 inches long.

I have so much to write and share but it will have to wait for another time. Right now I have too much snuggling and adoring to do.

Nothing yet

2011-09-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

We're busy over here waiting for baby. I'm trying to be patient but it is hard. I'm filling the time assigning chores and bossing everyone around. Sigh.

First Day of School!

2011-09-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

We now have a 7th grader, a 5th grader and a 2nd grader. Micah starts pre-k in a couple of weeks. We had a great summer, but getting the troops off to school this morning felt really good. Thank you Tacoma teachers for voting not to strike and going to work today without a contract.

I am a fan of uniforms.

I don't braid hair any more. I stopped this summer and don't plan to start again . . . at least not any time soon. I figure between the 3 sisters they can take care of each other's hair. Nardos ends up having to do her own and Netsanet's, but they can work out favors for repayment or whatever. Netsanet is supposed to do Hana's. Hana is supposed to learn how to wash, condition and prep her own hair for braiding and help Netsanet with unbraiding. This system worked for 2 style cycles but it fell apart and Netsanet and Hana have been in pony or pig-tails (sometimes very rough versions of these) ever since. Nardos is hanging in there with her signature twist/untwist style. I'm staying out of it. We'll see what happens.

We're such a classy bunch

2011-08-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

A few candid or realistic wedding photos of us Carlsons. We try, I promise.

Summer continues

2011-08-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

As a wedding post-party we were generously invited out to a friends' home in Gig Harbor on Sunday for kayaking, relaxation and barbecue. Which means our hosts, Josh and Uncle Drew worked hard at entertaining the kids while I sat on the deck and enjoyed the view. Thank you!

I'm still pregnant, and growing more uncomfortable by the minute, so I'm inspired to pass time by posting pictures here and snooping around on facebook.

School is supposed to start next week, but there are rumors of a teacher strike in our district. I love our teachers and want the best for them, but we really need school to start. Please?

Can you believe he had the nerve to lose a tooth? And I wasn't even there when it happened!

Netsie and Uncle Drew tipped over, adding lots of drama and excitement to the adventure. Hurray for life jackets.

They DO

2011-08-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

My youngest brother Austin got married on Saturday and our family gained a new member, Kelsie. The day was beautiful and as you can see the couple was gorgeous. The ceremony was held outdoors on a perfect August day. Family traveled from all over to celebrate with us, it was an honor and delight.

Love birds. When I got married Austin was a little 13 year old. He has grown into such a great man.

Our ever growing family.

Hana was the flower girl and she had the time of her life.

The Carlson girls.

And my Micah.

Their photographer, Adam Brown (I don't think he has a website yet) did a great job didn't he? And he got the pictures out lickity-split. If you'd like his info, let me know.

Ask5for5

2011-08-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

guest blogger: Sarah Lenssen from Ask5for5
photos courtesy of Cate Turton / Dept. for International Development

First, thanks to Amanda for allowing me to post on her blog today! Today, more than 25 bloggers, including this one, are standing with me to Ask 5 for 5 for Africa. Here's why....

I began pursuing a BIG dream two weeks ago. After deciding I could no longer avoid the news about the famine in the horn of Africa, I had that gut feeling that I couldn't sit this one out. I HAD to do something because I could. Something bigger than I could do alone. That's when #Ask5for5 was born.

Two of my children, Ashen and Bereket, were adopted and are from the region affected by the drought in Ethiopia. They would be two of the statistics if they still lived there. I see my son’s and daughter’s faces in the photos of those suffering in the refugee camps. It could have been him. It could have been her. The thought haunts me.

And moms just like us are watching their children go hungry day after day. I can't imagine what it's like, but I have to –I have to be there to help them, because it could have been my children. These families have lost their livestock, their crops, food prices are inflated at the market if there any food there, and don’t have any more lifelines to tap into. Many are traveling hundreds of miles through parched land in hope of finding help. Many are dying along the way. It is estimated that 29,000 children have died in the last 90 days in the famine in Somalia alone.

But I KNOW we can do something about it. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed, we can rally ourselves and our friends to respond! I set up a fundraiser through See Your Impact. 100% of your gift will go to the relief and development organization World Vision, where it will be combined with government grants to multiply up to 5 times in impact!

You’ll receive updates on just how your funding is being used to help save lives affected by famine in East Africa. I'm amazed at how much we've raised already -- over $7,000 in just four days! We blew through our first 3 goals in just 3 days and are well on our way to $10,000 and beyond!

I need you to help me save lives. It's so so simple; here's what you need to do:

Donate $5 or more on this page (http://seeyourimpact.org/members/ask5for5)
Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
Share Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter, and join our page to stay updated too!

I'm also looking for 100 bloggers to stand with Ask5for5 to spread the word during Social Media week, September 19th - 23rd. If you're interested, email me, ask5for5@gmail.com.

Thanks! Please donate and email your friends right now--don't wait for a calmer moment, because if you're like me, other demands inevitably crop up and you won't get to it. A child's life hangs in the balance, but you can help save her!

Nanny

2011-08-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

Our family has lost our precious Nanny. She passed away Sunday evening, a sad surprise. Her life deserves to be celebrated and we will, but ouch, losing loved ones hurts. Nanny was an ideal grandma, she was lovey and cozy and fun. She was a family anchor. She gave lots of kisses, lavished compliments, used sweet pet names, made yummy casseroles, loved extravagantly, accepted us as we were, helped, encouraged and kissed some more. While her body grew old and painful, her mind remained sharp and her sense of humor acute. Playing under the orange tree, Milky Way candy bars cut into cubes, flinsa, frog (turkey) soup, back tickles, Aqua Net hair spray, Jasmine flowers, tiny glass juice cups, wash on the line, soap operas and The Price is Right, apricots and plums ripe off the tree, Toyota Celicas, embroidered sweat shirts, foam sleeping mats, dimples and red hair . . . they will all be forever linked to Nanny in my mind.

She was supposed to fly in this week to be here for my brother's wedding this Saturday and was planning to stay on and wait for the birth of our baby. When I called to tell her I was pregnant last winter she wept and laughed for joy. I was so excited for her to meet him. We're having a boy, but if it had been a girl we planned to name her her Gloria, after Nanny. Glo-Bell, or Glory for short. Makes me miss that could-have-been baby girl.

We LOVE our Nanny and sure do miss her.

Kiss Kiss!

Last summer, Mom, Nan and Me

Full Term

2011-08-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

37 weeks today! I have a few weeks until my due date, but in theory, baby could be born any day. We've been busy rearranging rooms and doing our best to be "ready."

When I was thinking ahead to August last spring I imagined we'd all be falling apart by now, but I have been proven wrong. This has been our best summer yet. Emotionally, relationally, all of it. Not that I should always be measuring, or expecting "better, better" because that's not how life works, but it has been nice and I'm grateful.

By God's grace we are heading into the new adventure of welcoming a new family member in a pretty healthy place as a family. Come join us baby boy!

And a couple pictures of summer fun . . . church Sports Camp!

Summer happenings

2011-07-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

We spent several days at "the cabin," I took Nardos and Netsanet on a big girl weekend away which included a trip to Orcas Island to celebrate a dear friend's wedding, the kids went to a week long Ethiopian culture day camp in Seattle, this week we're all either attending or volunteering at our church's Sport's Camp, and Nardos is a "teen volunteer" at the YMCA. Any space in-between is filled with friends, parks and play. My goal of planning all of these summer activities was to keep the kids busy . . . the unexpected benefit is that it keeps me running as well. Time is flying and baby will be here before we know it! I continue to be healthy and strong and I am so thankful!

Micah helping Amaye take care of Abi's tree at the cabin.

Netsie relaxing at the Orcas Island campsite with friends. We didn't actually camp since I really appreciate a soft bed these days (and I've never been much of a camper), but we hung around and enjoyed everyone's cool camp chairs and s'mores. Congratulations Tricia and Mike!

Nardos with friends' cute kids. It was wonderful to watch the girls interact with the little ones, hopefully this translates into them enjoying their new baby brother!

So far so good!

2011-07-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Our summer is off to a great start. We're playing hard and staying busy and that seems to keep folks happy. We've also set up lots of structure with clear expectations and schedules for chores, a general daily schedule (especially morning), and a new discipline system (123 Magic) which really seems to be helping everybody out. Not that I haven't tried schedules and such before, but everyone is old enough now to do a lot on their own and to be held accountable if they don't keep up their end of the bargain. This is good training for when baby brother arrives as well. The kids are also signed up for a few day camps this year, something we haven't been able to do before, so that is keeping things interesting. Most importantly, we're all enjoying each other and having fun. Bring pregnant in the midst of it all adds an interesting dynamic (give mom some time to climb out of the car) but so far I've been able to keep up pretty well. We'll see what August brings!

Happy 4th of July!

Yard work

Low tide exploration

My Man

2011-06-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

We celebrated 10 years of marriage last week! How is that possible? We were able to get away for a couple of nights - such a treat. I love this man.

Because you asked. Pregnant me. 30 weeks tomorrow.

Father's Day. Not many men would have been willing to take on this (our) life. He is loving, gentle, generous, fun, self-sacrificing, faithful . . . manly in all the right ways. Thank you for being my partner in this journey Joshua!

Last day of school - let the games begin!

2011-06-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

3rd trimester, summer and (hopefully) lots of fun

2011-06-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

Baby Carlson continues to grow happily and I'm feeling good. We are getting very excited to meet this little man. Yesterday at an appointment with my midwife she needed to check his position with a quick ultrasound and exclaimed over his chubby cheeks (cute!). Baby has his head in my ribs his toes in my bladder . . . there is lots of time for him to flip though, so I've been reassured that there is nothing to worry about.

Micah turned 5 recently and seems to be growing up exponentially every day. We decided to hold off on kindergarten and instead enrolled him in a pre-k program which looks promising. We'll have kids at 3 different schools and a new baby this Fall, which will keep things lively. Yes, he has a fro-hawk at the moment. He begged for it after watching the an act by the Extreme Team (a group of muscular black men) who tear phone books, bend metal bars over their heads, punch through bricks and break baseball bats over their thighs. After doing my best to buzz in the mo-hawk he said, "Mommy, now can I have some earrings?"

Netsanet got her cast removed yesterday and has healed up perfectly. She hurt her ankle doing flips with her school dance friends while they waited to perform at an Earth Day celebration. I was there with the other kids and was summoned to the scene by a pack of worried 4th grade girls. It looked like a sprain and we treated it like one for over a week. It wasn't until I took her in for a scheduled physical that we had a doctor look. She asked for x-rays and guess what, it was cracked. Thankfully, it was minor and didn't need to be set or anything, but I felt pretty rotten. Netsanet loved all of the concern, the cast and the crutches, so if anything I think she feels that she came out on top.

Summer break is looming. I'm looking forward to a little more flexibility and play, but admit to being nervous about it. This will be our 4th summer together and each one has forced some relational and attachment issues to the surface. That is probably a good thing, but if you know what that is like, it is not something you look forward to. My strategy is to keep us scheduled with activities, chore charts, quiet times, and a couple of short trips. Then, the kids will start school Sept 1st, and I'll have the baby Sept 2nd. Sounds like a plan!

The good and not good

2011-05-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Each of these things deserves more said about them, but since I manage to post about once a month these days, I am opting for a summary of our latest mentionable news.

The very, very good news is that my baby brother Austin got engaged! His beloved is Miss Kelsey and our family wins out big time with this addition. Congratulations to you both! And if you end up having your wedding in August when I am too pregnant to be in wedding pictures, I suppose I will love you anyway.

Wonderful, miraculous news is that my dear cousin Karyn who had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer had a surgery last week at the Mayo Clinic and they got it all out. She is home with her 5 children recovering. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Some not good news is that my sister has learned that she has fibromyalgia. You may remember that she had an extremely difficult pregnancy with her daughter Jubilee (who is healthy and so, SO cute) and we now know why. The syndrome is not fatal, but there is no cure and it causes chronic pain, flu-like symptoms and many other unfortunate ailments. She is determined to find help but that is a long and painful process. Please say a prayer for her.

Some more good news is that Hana Mae is 7 years old today. We celebrated last weekend with a mommy/daughter date and little party with grandparents. We have no photo evidence of these activities (or of Easter) because Josh accidentally deleted everything on our camera before I downloaded them. Trust me, she is a cutie and thoroughly enjoys being the birthday girl.

Our baby boy continues to grow and so do I. He is very active which is fun and entirely distracting. While it is a fun surprise to be experiencing pregnancy, I have to say that adoption is just as thrilling. In no way does this feel superior, it is just different. Call it nesting, call it purging, but I am trying to find a way to fit another person and some baby stuff into our house. The problem is everyone has their own "stuff" and no one wants me to throw away their treasures. Hearts may break, but we have got to clear this place out and renting a storage unit is against my religion.

This morning Josh walked Micah to preschool and I spied on them out the window. This is such a cute stage and I'm trying to savor it and remember. I wish I could freeze him right here: not quite 5, still thinks cuddles from mom are a good idea and dad is a hero, shorts so long they almost hit his ankles, tiny backpack, action figures tucked in pockets. He is currently busy packing some snacks to take to park. So far he has opted for pretzels, boiled eggs, apple sauce and his favorite . . . goat cheese.

I guess that means we better go play.

Ultrasound

2011-04-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

We had our big, much anticipated ultrasound on Monday and learned that we are having a baby BOY! Yay! Micah was with us and when we were told told we had a boy he shouted, "I KNEW it would be a BOY or a GIRL!"

Later when I talked to Nardos I said, "Welllll, don't you want to know what we're having?" She paused and said, "For dinner?" Um, not exactly. I suppose I could have phrased the question differently, but really?

It is fun to know we have a boy in there. We were hoping for a boy for logistical reasons in our house and well, because we have 3 girls. But, we were of course careful not to be too hopeful. Plus, I was very attached to the girl name I had picked out. No, I'm not telling . . . just in case. But a little boy is welcome news. We're still working on a name, thankfully we have lots of time.

In other news, we registered Micah for Kindergarten today. We have gone back and forth on this decision a lot. I'm not worried about Kindergarten, I'm worried about starting him into the "system" young . . . his birthday is May 25. The trouble with not starting him is that he wants and needs a lot of activity that I wont be able to provide at home with a new baby (and can barely manage now), and more preschool hours equals more cash. So, we decided to go ahead and turn in the paperwork. If we change our minds, no harm done.

We made it through the Winter in decent health but have struggled this Spring. I have battled a cold/sinus infection for 3 weeks and just yesterday caved and started taking an antibiotic. Please work! People keep asking me how I feel, and the answer is not good, but it isn't because of the pregnancy . . . I don't think. If I can finally get over this sinus issue I hope to experience that 2nd trimester good health and energy people talk about.

That's the latest!

Bump, thump

2011-03-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Something marvelous happened this morning. I was sitting in bed reading and Hana and Micah were playing Lincoln Logs on the floor close by. All of the sudden I began to feel the baby move. I have felt a few suspicious sensations, but nothing certain. This was kind of a sliding, bumping feeling and I could even feel it with my hand when I put it on my tummy. I asked Hana to jump up on the bed and placed her hand on my middle and waited. She sat there concentrating and then we both felt a big thump! The look on her face when she felt it was fantastic and still has me glowing. The fact that Hana got to feel one of the first noticeable kicks with me is a beautiful gift.

Since then I have had lots of curious little hands pressing on my tummy at all times. It is kind of difficult to walk around, but I'll take it!

Disneyland success

2011-03-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

We did Disney! We went to the beach. We soaked up some much needed sunshine. We had adventures, ate good food, visited Aunt Elizabeth, walked Hollywood Boulevard and made all of our flights. Success!

It wasn't perfect, no week in a family with a bunch of kids is, even at Disneyland. There was some fussing, a few tears, a couple of family meetings to re-focus, some attitudes that needed adjusting (mine included), some siblings who struggled to get along, but on the scale of good and evil, the good won out.

Netsanet, 11 and Hana almost 7 were the perfect ages for the trip. Nardos had fun, but was a little too much of a teenager to fully let go and enjoy, or at least to express it. Micah did great, but was a bit young to ride the best rides. Josh would take the girls on the roller coasters and Micah and I would do Buzz Lightyear over and over again. He is Buzz's number one fan.

A major highlight for Josh and I was that on a few evenings we would leave the kids at the hotel with a movie and we would go out on a date. So, we got some special treatment too, and we are very thankful.

Here are a bunch of pictures. Proof that we were actually there!

First Trimester - Check!

2011-02-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

Today marks the end of the first trimester of this pregnancy. It has been rather uneventful, which is good. My most troublesome symptoms have been fatigue and general lack of motivation to do anything (blogging included obviously). Nausea comes and goes, but it is nothing extreme so I'm not complaining. My family is ready for a more productive mama, but they are giving me lots of grace. The kids are learning to do more for themselves, Josh has worked hard to be home in the evenings to take over (thank you!) and I have learned to let a lot go and rest when I need to.

There is no cute baby bump to show off yet. If the overall squishiness ever forms into something that looks like a pregnant lady I might post a picture. For now I'm just keeping my coat on.

We leave for Disneyland in a little over a week and as you can probably imagine our kids are crazed with excitement. Micah's number one request is to be able to ride a merry-go-round and the girls can't think beyond swimming at the hotel pool. Obviously they have no idea what is in store and I'm giddy with anticipation to watch them discover the happiest place on earth.

Overall life is going well and seems to be speeding by. Nardos is enjoying middle school and has prompted my new past time of reading books about parenting teenagers. Netsanet is preparing for the school play and has the busiest social calendar in the entire family. Hana seems to grow an inch every month and is a super reader. Micah is ready for kindergarten and we're soaking up our days together before he heads off to school in the Fall and shifts from being the baby of the family to a big brother.

That's the latest and greatest from our world.

On the bright side

2011-01-24T14:58:00.000-08:00

I am pregnant! Say what?!

This is a huge and wonderful surprise to us and I think the reality of it is finally sinking in. I found out the day after Christmas. We planned to keep it hush-hush for as long as possible, which wound up being not long at all. The kids were starting to worry about why I wasn't feeling well and kept going to bed so early (as in 6:30) so we decided to tell them. After that it wasn't much use.

Experiencing pregnancy has been something we have desired but never let ourselves try for because it just hasn't made sense. Our house is full, we feel overwhelmed as it is, etc. Now that the decision is made, we're thrilled. Knowing there is a little life on the way has been a fun buoy as we sort through what I wrote about earlier.

What about Liberia? Well, there were many big unanswered questions surrounding that decision as it was. Now that we're expecting I feel released to let it go for the time being. We have been praying all along for God to open and close the right doors and we would follow. We believe this is a closed door and yet another has obviously opened. We continue to feel called to action on behalf of the orphan and widow. We will serve, but it will look different than anticipated.

The kids are excited and my prayer is that this experience will be a bonding and fun adventure for all of us. Nardos thinks it is so weird that she will have a white sibling. Hana keeps begging to go buy baby stuff. Netsanet wants to be sure this wont cut into her playdate schedule. Micah repeatedly thanks me and then reminds me that he is still my baby. Oh yes he is, always will be.

Treading lightly

2011-01-24T13:02:00.000-08:00

I have written and deleted several posts over the last few weeks. I write what's on my heart and then I realize it really isn't fit for anyone to read but me, so I delete it. A locked diary would make more sense.

I've mentioned this before, but as my kids get older, the more delicate I need to be about what I say about them specifically and what I say about our family. Transparency and honesty (the good and difficult) about our family and our adoptions has been my main source of content here, but I'm not really comfortable sharing about that in our current reality. It is not because I don't long to talk and share, it is because I need to be very careful. So, I seek out friends who have adopted older kids and we talk and sometimes weep.

We've hit some rough water recently. As we grow together and learn more about each other, layers come away and the reality of just how much my children have to grieve and understand becomes our focus again. We get stuck. Can't we just move forward? I deceive myself by striving to make their life so good and stable in the present that the pain of the past wont haunt them. Then I just end up feeling like a failure and lack the grace required to accept them and love them as they are, wounds and all. I need to give them space to express their pain, even when it is incredibly difficult to bear.

So I remind myself that "The Sovereign Lord tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

Good thing someone knows what they're doing! That sounds like an invitation to let loose a bit and trust The One who knows. Yes please.

Photo Shoot with Lisa

2011-01-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

Back in October I was contacted by my sister's former college roommate Lisa who was launching a photography business and wanted a family to practice on. YES PLEASE! We met at a park on a beautiful Autumn day and had so much fun. Didn't she do a great job? Let me tell you, it is a first class challenge to get a good picture of all of us. I love the individual shots of the kids, I love her style, I love it all. I would have posted them earlier but I wanted to use one for our Christmas card and chose to wait for the big reveal.

I am so thankful to have these photos! Lisa's website which has all of her contact info is http://follycreative.com/lisamonet/.

Christmas happened

2011-01-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas celebration was wonderful. The rest of our winter break was . . . a growing experience for all. I'll leave it at that.

Hani

The kids only had stockings to open on Christmas morning because we surprised them with a big "family gift."

Here is my teenager with her fancy new extensions and cell phone.

Decoding our big surprise . . . a spring trip to DISNEYLAND! I think I'm the most excited. I never imagined we would get to go.

Christmas dinner at my Mom's. A Christmas bonus was that my Nanny (mom's mom) was in town. We don't get to see her very often so it is a very special treat.

4 years together

2010-12-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

We arrived home with our baby boy on December 23, 2006. It was an absolutely glorious Christmas!

Amazing memories. He was so tiny!

Here we are 4 years later, Christmas 2010.

Because this serves as our family photo album

2010-12-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

Netsanet and Jubilee

Thanksgiving

The day his dreams came true

The growing Fowler Family

Our very own violinist

Micah thought he needed some reindeer

Rockin' school and a fro.

Not what a girl wants to walk in on . . .

2010-12-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

My vote was to sell it broken down, but still in one piece. We even had a buyer.

Josh wanted to try to fix it first.

Why is he smiling?

Snow day

2010-11-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

So much to be thankful for

2010-11-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

Aunt Elizabeth was fabulous with our kids while we were gone. We are so thankful!

Halloween with Aunt Elizabeth!

Nardos played soccer for her school team this Fall.

She's cute.

Not the most enthusiastic fan, but fun to hang out with.

We went up to visit my sister's expanding family. We are all in love with Jubilee and can't wait to see her again!

Another bonus of buying in bulk - BOXES!

We celebrated Netsie's 11th birthday with a big slumber party last weekend. She was in heaven.

They slept a little.

Micah was our live entertainment . . .

On Saturday we went to an Ethiopian adoptive families gathering. I love these things . . . it is an amazing feeling to be in a room full of people on a similar journey. In my opinion, adoptive families are a special kind of cool. The main event was the little babies, of course.

Moments I will never forget

2010-11-13T20:14:00.000-08:00

What we're thinking

2010-11-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

It isn't an accident that I haven't written about whether or not our family will move to Liberia. We are in a fog . . . which isn't bad, but it is unexpected.  We expected to come home either ready to move forward or at a clear stop. But that is not where we are.

The need in Liberia is immense - as it is in many places in the world. I still can't believe the starving babies. While I was holding them my heart was crushed. How can this be? The desperate need isn't a surprise, but as I held them in my arms it was a strange out of body, unbelievable experience. I should probably be angry and spurred to action, but at the moment I just feel shocked.

Josh is able to look at the bigger picture. If you train people and create jobs, the families will be able to provide for their children (how exactly one does that we don't know). But all I can see are the babies.

While many of our experiences were heart breaking, even more were wonderful and joy filled.

We met with 2 missionary families who are doing amazing work in Monrovia. They were kind to invite us to their homes so we could see how they and their children live.

I went to my friend Martha's choir practice where I watched young Liberians sing their hearts out to God. The director looked to be about 20 years old and expertly composed on the spot. Afterward I asked him where he learned to put music together and he said, "Oh that? I was born with it."

There is an Ethiopian restaurant a block away from AGC school.  It is the only one in the country and it opened only a few months ago. There is a small community of 25 - 30 Ethiopians in Liberia and they were very curious about our children and loving toward us. We ate there twice and it was a calming, at home experience which was wonderful and strange.

We met several hard working young men who are dream of attending University.

We encountered genuine, contagious joy in people who have experienced unspeakable tragedy. They are quick to laugh, sing and celebrate. It is joy from the Lord, that's all there is to it.

I talked to a young man who was currently in University and was curious what I studied in college. I told him I majored in psychology and he was thrilled to tell me that he took a psychology class last year. He then proceeded to tell me more about psychology theory than I learned in 4 years. Smarty pants. He is brilliant and I pray that he finds opportunity.

Oh yea, and I can't forget to mention that our counselor, our fantastic friend who has helped guide us in our marriage on many occasions was on our flight from Seattle to Monrovia. Let me say it again. Our marriage counselor was ON OUR FLIGHT! She got her PhD by creating and implementing a rehabilitation model for children traumatized by the war in Liberia. We knew she was putting together a trip around about the same time we were, but we didn't plan anything together. Lucky for her the plane was packed so we didn't get a chance to bother her with our millions of questions.

So are we moving there? We don't know.

It was made abundantly clear to us while there that moving to Liberia would be a tremendous strain on our children. It is not their physical safety that most concerns us (though that is not to be ignored) it is their emotional health and safety that keeps coming into question. It boils down to adoption related stuff, especially for 2 of our 4. Attachment, family bond, trust, security, etc.  A big jolt like this could either solidify our family and knit us together in ways that we current aren't, or it could blow up - big time.

But, our goals as parents aren't simply to protect our kids. Sure, a safe, opportunity-filled life is comfortable, but maybe not best.

From what we learned on our trip, and from feedback we've gotten from other "foreign" families in Liberia it looks like we/I would need to home school. We've looked into some great homeschooling programs but are still concerned that it could be problematic for our family. It has everything to do with our family dynamic, not homeschooling itself. Well, to be honest, it has everything to do with me. I think after a few months I might try escape by swimming across the Atlantic.

We loved All God's Children schools. They are doing great work and we would be honored to support them, but our role isn't clear at this point and probably wouldn't be full-time. We will be looking into other organizations and opportunities as well.

We have to admit, that a couple of times Joshua and I looked at each other and said, "Why aren't we in Ethiopia?" It is complex and I can't share all of the details here, but we had decided that returning to Ethiopia at this point would be too confusing for our kids. Now we're not sure if Liberia is any less confusing . . .

We've only been home for a week and a half, so we have a lot of praying and processing to do. We've been putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to know and decide but I think instead we need to take a deep breath and wait on the Lord.

We're reminded of the marathon we're in with the children God has already given us. We're sporting freshly broken hearts for the poor. We have a renewed sense of gratitude for our lives . . . we are extravagantly blessed. We are also aware of our responsibility. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked" - Luke 12:48

So that's where we are.

More Liberia Photos

2010-11-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Playful

Kitchen

A lovely evening

More cute AGC kids

Sweetness

Off-roading in the mini van

We thought it best to let the van go it alone.

Negotiating for our dinner

Babies taking care of babies

Snuggle bug

Overwhelm

Magnificent

So sad

Jubilee

2010-11-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

My beautiful, brand new niece Jubilee Noelle Tiger.

We're all heading up to Bellingham to meet her on Sunday. I'm so proud of my sister! She endured a very difficult pregnancy and finally has her sweet reward. Welcome to the family little one.

Walk Strong

2010-11-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

On our first evening in Liberia we were sitting outside the All God's Children School (AGC) with a few very new acquaintances enjoying the cooler night air. I commented on the roof-rattling wind (which they call a nice breeze) and a woman named Martha laughed and told me that I would need to walk strong in Liberia. She was talking about the breeze, but she could have been talking about life in general in Liberia.

The trip was intense. It was wonderful, horrible, inspiring, depressing, fun, frightening and so on. We met amazing people, played with precious children, and hit reality good and hard.

We stayed in a room on the top floor of the school pictured above. A luxury to most Liberians and an uncomfortable stretch for me. We took bucket showers and had electricity for a few hours in the evening. We discovered on our last day that mice had been enjoying our stash of airplane snack food.

Here are the AGC, Monrovia students lining up for the flag salute and national anthem.

AGC provides tuition free education to its students, a marvelous gift. They have AM and PM programs. The AM program is a pretty standard Kindergarten - 9th grade situation. The PM session is for older kids who missed a lot or all of their education due to the war. They are essentially trying to squeeze in some basics for kids who otherwise would get nothing. Even in the AM program there are 18+ year olds in the 9th grade.

We spent a lot of time at AGC and traveled out to their two other schools by the Firestone Plantation

Ever wonder where your tires come from ? Rubber trees. Ever wonder how the employees of these companies are treated? You don't want to know.

The bamboo annex

Ello Visitaas! How ah you dis mornee?

Walking home from school

We watched the school soccer, kickball and basketball teams practice. Boys play soccer, girls play kickball. I was amazed by the boys soccer team. They are stinking fabulous. The kickball girls are good too, but I was thoroughly distracted during the game because someone handed me a 3 month old baby named Sweetie. I held her for about an hour in the middle of the absolute mayhem that is a public play-field in Liberia. I think her mother was on one of the kickball teams.

Josh became very popular with all of the young men because he spent time playing and talking sports with them. Organizing and sponsoring (aka: giving money to) sports teams could be a ministry in and of itself in Liberia. Josh quickly realized that he had an "in" as a mentor for the kids and men within the framework of sports.

The campus in Monrovia boasts this new basketball court. Young men flock every evening to play.

One day we knocked on the gate of an AIDS hospice. We were given a tour by a young American nun who serves there as a nurse. This woman is Christ's compassion embodied. The patients were shocked and grateful when we walked through and shook their hands and asked their names. Some were clearly dying, while others were being treated with hopes of returning home on an antiretroviral regimen.

The top floor was full of kids. Thankfully only 3 of the kids were HIV positive, but all of them were being treated for malnutrition. I have never seen kids in such terrible shape. Babies starving to death. It was horrifying, and yet these children are the fortunate ones. If the Sisters at the hospice had not found them and brought them in for care they would surely die. I tried to discretely take a few pictures but for the most part it felt inappropriate.

The little one I'm holding here is probably 2 years old and was too weak to crawl - and he wasn't the worst off.

This baby girl has HIV and is extremely malnourished.

We walked all over Sinkor, the district of Monrovia where we were staying. The administrators at AGC refused to let us go anywhere without a Liberian staff member as a guide. So we drug them along on all of our strange errands and adventures. The 2 men that were with us when we went to the AIDS hospice were thoroughly freaked out, but respectful. I hope to write more about the social complexities surrounding HIV/AIDS in another post.

We did a little "house hunting" and were baffled by how expensive everything is. A run-down house in the city would cost us considerably more per month than our home here in Tacoma, and that isn't even counting generator expenses and repairs. I don't know all of the reasons for the inflated prices, but there is a huge UN presence in Monrovia which most definitely has something to do with it. The UN came in 2003, which brought peace (glory, glory hallelujah!), but there are consequences to having hundreds of wealthy foreigners take up long-term residence in the city who are willing to pay almost anything for a decent place to stay.

With prices so outrageous I asked the school principal how his staff can afford to live. The answer: they live in shacks or tiny 1 bedroom apartments with their families. And we wonder why those with an education so desperately desire to leave.

I spent an afternoon with the organization Global Orphan Outreach. One of their projects is providing foster homes for children with special needs. I didn't do anything but tag along, observe and cuddle children. The same organization got permission from the government to bring a 4 month old baby girl with hydrocephalus back to the states on a medical visa. Her head is the size of a basketball. A brave family in Utah is going to be caring for her while she undergoes several surgeries in an attempt to save her life.

I had the privilege of holding this precious boy for a long time. He has cerebral palsy. You should see the proud smile on his face when someone helps him practice standing up. He fell asleep in my arms so I snuck a picture.

That's about all I can muster to share at the moment. My head feels like it is stuffed full of cotton . . . I'm not sure if it is jet lag or a symptom of overwhelm. No, we didn't come away with many clear answers about what our family should do. Liberia is a difficult place and I don't at this moment have peace about taking my children there. But also at this moment babies in Liberia are starving, AIDS is spreading and kids are growing up without an education.

And so we pray and seek and promise not to bury our heads in the sand.

We're home

2010-11-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

What a week! I don't have time to post much now, but I have lots to share and will put it all together soon! Thank you all for your prayers. To be continued . . .

We leave tomorrow!

2010-10-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

The countdown is on, Josh and I leave for Liberia very early tomorrow morning. We're not sure how much internet access we'll have, but I'll try to post a little something while we're there.

Here's where we're headed, Monrovia, the capital city of Liberia

I have a couple more errands to sneak in today and then the ever-growing pile in the corner of my room needs to somehow fit into our suitcase.

If you're curious about the history of Liberia and would like to do a little reading, I recommend Blue Clay People by William D Powers, The House on Sugar Beach by Helene Cooper, and This Child Shall be Great, by Liberia's President, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.

And we're off!

Thirteen

2010-10-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

My daughter is a teenager.

For her birthday I took her and 2 friends up to Seattle for the day. We went to a movie, walked around downtown and ate Ethiopian and West African food for dinner. She was delighted and it was a fun little social experiment for me to follow the girls around for several hours trying to be a part of the party but not in the way or heaven forbid, embarrassing.

A 13 year old middle schooler is a whole new parenting ball game. She wants lots of freedom and lots of responsibility. So far she has earned it and I'm trying to sort out a non-smothering-yet-protective balance. She can manage her schedule, walk to Starbucks, babysit and so on . . . but I have the final say when it comes to which friends she spends time with outside of school, and if she gets to have a facebook account, or a cell phone (NO!), etc.

While we do have some of the standard teenybopper attitude stuff going on, she is probably one of the world's most agreeable, gentle kids and she is taking it easy on her in-over-their-heads parents.

Happy, happy 13th birthday to my precious daughter!

Liberia

2010-10-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

Two weeks from today, Josh and I are leaving to visit the country of Liberia in West Africa.

Remember a while back when I mentioned something we were considering that was taking up a lot of my mental real estate but I didn't feel comfortable sharing about it yet? Well, this is part of it.

We are going to Liberia because we are considering moving there as a family.

There! I've finally said it! We haven't told many people because there are still countless unanswered questions and we can't say that we are 100% certain in our decision. Another reason for keeping it under our hats is that we don't want Josh's client base to jump ship. We don't have a clear time-frame yet and he has no plans to stop working any time soon. So, please don't freak out.

Our immediate families know, along with a handful of very close friends who have been praying with us as we ask God, "Really?" We have never been to Liberia, nor do we know a whole lot about the organizations we're looking to work with. That is why we need to go see with our own eyes, pray with our feet on the ground, meet people who live there and work there, experience the culture, feel the heat (and humidity), play with some kids and get a good dose of reality (but hopefully no stomach bugs). We will only be there for a week, so we have a lot of seeing, experiencing and listening to pack into a short time-frame.

What we will come back deciding, I do not know! What I do know is that God is working on our hearts. Something else I've learned is that if you ask God what He would like you to do or be, the answer might surprise you.

Josh's sister Elizabeth will be staying with the kids here at home. I am confident that they will be lovingly cared for, but I am still nervous about being away from them. That is kind of silly because I often long for a little time away, only I was imagining a sandy beach . . . oh wait, there are sandy beaches in Liberia, though I'm pretty sure I wont be laying on any of them. When I take a break from worrying, I am very excited about the trip. This is a big step toward an even bigger unknown and after a whole lot of thinking about it, I'm excited to go ahead and do it.

Questions you're probably asking . . .
WHY? What will you do there? Your kids are Ethiopian, why wouldn't you go to Ethiopia? How did Liberia come into the picture? How long with you be there? Isn't Liberia dangerous? What do your kids think?

I will pick away at answering these as we sort them out.

In the mean time, we would appreciate your prayers. We need wisdom and discernment. We need increased faith. We desperately want to come home to our children safely! We are asking God to protect our family bond while we are away, and of course that the kids will be safe and have a great time with their Auntie. Prayers for Aunt Elizabeth as she takes on our brood are also appreciated - he, he, he!

That's what I meant . . .

2010-10-07T10:43:00.000-07:00

When I read this post by Kristen on Rage Against the Minivan I instantly wanted everyone I know to read it.

If you care about kids, please read it. If you care adoption, please read it. So much of what I have tried to say about adoption, its challenges, beauty and complexities is expressed incredibly well in that post. Thank you Kristen for knowing what I meant to say and saying it so much better!

The conference she talks about, and what many other adoption bloggers are talking about sounds amazing. I might just have to get myself to something like that someday.

The truth of the matter

2010-10-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

Don't be deceived . . .

Different camera settings, a different moment . . . same family.
We are loud, we are messy, but we are happy!

3 years ago today . . .

2010-09-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Together in Ethiopia - let the adventures begin!

Three years ago today I arrived home with my daughters! Josh traveled with me but came home early to be in his brother's wedding. Something he obviously couldn't miss, and sadly, something I had to. My mom traveled with us to help me and I am so thankful! I still get a little queasy thinking back on that eternal flight with three frightened little girls.

Here is Nardos right around the time Josh and I were in Ethiopia adopting Micah. I have early pictures of Netsanet and Hana too, but they have other kids in them so I can't post them.

We're celebrating tonight by going out to eat at our favorite Ethiopian restaurant in Seattle. The girls have been counting down the days to this anniversary so it is obviously a big milestone for them too. Bless their hearts, I am so darn proud of them. I'll probably always post about our famiversaries - thank you for humoring me while I gush. We try to do-up birthdays, because their births are worthy of a party, but our family was born differently, and we need to give it due honor. We will remember what they have lost, and will praise God that loss and pain are not the end. We are full of joy and love today!

I hope that God's glory is revealed in our family. He deserves all of the credit. So many puzzle pieces put into place with great love by a gentle, healing hand.

My attempts at a back to pre-school picture

2010-09-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

Strength

2010-09-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

She is as strong as they come.

It is an honor to be called her mother.

A cowboy who has 3 older sisters . . .

2010-09-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

SCHOOL!

2010-09-04T14:23:00.000-07:00

First 2 days of middle school went well. Now we have a 3 day weekend to get well from our first round of fall colds.

The back story on adoption #2

2010-09-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Another long one . . . but it's a long story!

When we were in Ethiopia adopting Micah Tesfaye we spent some time playing with the other kids at the Care Center. The toddler play area was in the same building as the infants and we would go in and play with them before and after we visited Micah. We were not AT ALL looking for more children to adopt, the little kids wanted the attention so badly, it felt cruel not to stop.

The older children lived and went to school in another building at the time, but there was one little girl that was hanging around the baby house. It turned out that she had just come into care and was being evaluated by the doctors, who were in the baby area. She roamed around, tagging along with the nannies and had a shy smile. She loved playing with the little kids and I watched her comfort a little girl who was very upset. She was sweet, gentle, and very, very skinny. At one point Josh kicked a ball around with her. Another adoptive mom told me that she had two sisters already in care, but that she had arrived later.

One afternoon the staff took us parents on a tour of all their facilities. While at the older children's school I somehow wound up in a room full of students who were watching some sort of Ethiopian music video. They sat at their desks, with a teacher and a couple of nannies keeping order. One little girl had a bright flirty face, a big smile and was eager to be noticed. I smiled at her and blew her a kiss. She blew me a few kisses, her face about ready to explode with life. At that point I made my exit and found the rest of my group.

After the goodbye ceremony I noticed that the sweet little girl who had been hanging around with the babies had been moved over with the rest of the big kids. After the ceremony I got to talking (without much English) with the exuberant kiss blower. I discovered that those two girls were sisters. The nannies had braided their hair the same way and suddenly I could see a resemblance. The youngest one was not there, I assumed she was with the toddler group.

When we got home with Micah we were on a major high. It was such a happy time. We were SO HAPPY. He was a fantastically fun baby. During that time we of course told a lot of people about our trip. When asked about the care center/orphanage, I always mentioned that I had met a sibling group of three darling sisters. I remember very clearly thinking, "Those girls are going to be hard to place, who can take three at once?"

While meeting with our friend's (Sarah, do you realize what kind of trouble you caused?) who were waiting for a referral at the time I went over my story and mentioned the three sisters. She said, "Oh, aren't those the girls on the Waiting Children's list?" There they were. There was no picture, but I recognized them by the description. Nardos, Netsanet and Hana needed a family. There were a few health concerns and because of their ages they were difficult to place. Kids that come into care that don't match up with a waiting family end up being the ones waiting. After stewing on it for a week or so, Josh and I decided to call and ask a few questions. I remember sitting on the edge of my couch while the woman on the phone told me about them. Nardos was sweet, motherly and protective of her sisters. Netsanet was very intelligent, lively and defiant. Hana was in the thick of toddler hood, incredibly cute and tended to hit a lot.

Thus started several weeks of freaking out. I was consumed with the thought of those girls. But what about Micah? Wasn't adopting older children really hard? Do we want four kids? How would we afford it? What about those health questions? Was I too young to have an almost 10 year old? None of our friends had kids that old. What would we drive? What about that biological baby we planned to have?

During much of this time Micah and I were staying at my parents' house while Josh remodeled our kitchen. It's a dangerous thing, leaving me alone with my thoughts like that. I e-mailed the adoption agency a bunch, had their files looked over by the UW adoption clinic doctor, interviewed other families who had adopted older kids, read books and prayed, prayed, prayed.

Then Josh and I went on a date and saw the movie Amazing Grace. Remember that scene in the movie where William Wilberforce is asking John Newton if he should go into the ministry or go into politics and fight to end slavery? John Newton said something like, "For God's Sake! Of course you should fight to end slavery. Sink their bloody ships!" We both felt it. The conviction. "For God's Sake, don't you get it? You're supposed to do this!" When the movie ended we did not speak. Walking out to our car we both burst into tears. We sat in the car sobbing. We knew. We were going to adopt the girls. We had fallen in love.

This is about where I announced our decision here on the blog.

That is how we wound up with 4 kids within 10 months time. Can't say I'd recommend it, but I also wouldn't change it. I'm pretty darn proud of our family!

Will we adopt again? We seriously considered it recently. Will we have a baby the old fashioned way? We've considered that as well. At this point I/we really don't know. There are no plans at the moment. Your guess is as good as mine!

Why we adopted and a little more of the story

2010-08-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

I often direct folks interested in adopting to this blog. But I recently realized that I have never fully explained our decision to adopt here. By the time I started writing the decision was made, and the purpose of the blog was to keep family and friends posted on our progress. As time has passed this has become a space for me to process and share about our life, which more often than not involves adoption.

So, I thought I'd go back and explain our adoption story. Get comfortable, this may take a while.

Josh and I were married in 2001. It was the summer before my senior year at the University of Washington. While we were dating I told Josh that I wanted to adopt a child one day. I have several adopted cousins (domestic and international) and as a young child was fascinated by those beautiful families and thought it nothing less than magic. We entered marriage knowing that we wanted to have children, and that adoption would be a part of it.

During my junior year at UW I took a speech class. One of our projects was a persuasive speech and I decided to try to persuade people to "sponsor a child." Only, I didn't have a sponsored child myself.  Figuring I should practice what I preach, I went on-line and sponsored a little girl through World Vision. Her name is Loveness and she lives in Malawi, Africa. I don't remember my grade on the speech, but more importantly it opened a door that will never be closed. Being a sponsor, I began receiving World Vision's mailings and magazines. I remember sitting in the apartment that Josh and I lived in when we were first married looking through one of those magazines. It was about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and the young victims of the disease.  I was shocked by statements like the following: By 2010, the number of children orphaned by the disease is expected to exceed 25 million — slightly more than the population of Texas — according to the United Nations. As these truths percolated in my brain, I decided I wanted my life's work to be for the world's orphans.

When I graduated I asked around (thanks to Sarah, an acquaintance and fellow newlywed who was living in the same apartment building and worked at World Vision) and figured out which temp agency World Vision used and put in my resume. Not long after I got recruited. World Vision's Development Department (i.e. major donor fundraising) needed an administrative assistant. And so it began!

I hadn't been there long when I had the opportunity to meet a little boy named Edward. He was from Malawi and had written a stirring poem about AIDS. He and a WV Malawi employee traveled to the US to meet some people and do some media work. Josh and I took him snow sledding over the weekend and I fell in love.

Not long after that, I became involved in helping to plan a big WV fundraising event. The chief event planner had arranged to bring a little boy and his mother from Honduras to the event. He lived in one of World Visions' Area Development Programs and was known for his singing and song writing. His name is Yimmy. As it turned out, his sponsor was unable to keep up the sponsorship, so I was able to swoop in and take it over right before the event.  You know how to get people to give money? Have a darling child from one of your programs sing a song on stage. It's not often that you get to meet the child you sponsor. I held him and looked into his eyes. I stood next to him while he blew out candles on his birthday cake we ordered. I took him swimming in the hotel pool. I fell in love.

One of my jobs at WV was the Executive Assistant to one of their Senior Vice Presidents. I planned his travel and one of those trips was to Malawi along with WV's President and several donors. As plans came together, I was offered the opportunity to go along and staff (take care of) the donors and executives on the trip. I was over-the-moon-excited. Remember my sponsor child Loveness? We wound up visiting her village in Malawi. I know, I was planning the trip, but this part had nothing to do with me. I didn't even realize that Loveness lived there until a few weeks before the trip.  I got to meet her and her family. It broke my heart and filled it up at the same time. The little girl in the picture became real. And suddenly, so did the frightening statistics about poverty and the plight of children around the world. She gave me a live chicken as a thank you gift. I hugged her little body, gave her a couple of dresses I brought with me and saw desperation in the face her her mother. And of course, I fell in love.

After a few amazing years at World Vision, I left to work with Josh in his real estate business. Part of that decision was an effort to bring more health to our marriage. Another part was that I was ready to start a family. After much discussion, prayer and research, we decided to go ahead and adopt. Meeting our sponsored children had solidified that desire. We never tried to get pregnant. We feared that if we got pregnant, before long we would be pregnant with baby #2, and then we would have fewer resources and time, and we would never adopt. Also, assuming we would also eventually have biological children, we wanted to communicate to our adopted child that we chose to adopt first, that our family started with them. That of course is not necessary for an adopted child to feel loved and accepted in a family, but it was important to us as we made our plans.

We also felt a strong conviction to parent a child who already existed and was in need of a family. Why make a baby when there are so many orphans? I had been to South Africa and Malawi. I had seen the throngs of desperately poor children. While I have had the desire to experience pregnancy and the thrill of figuring out whose features he or she has, or whose temperament they inherited, my desire to adopt has always been stronger. I understand that this sounds crazy to some people. Some (most?) women have a strong physical desire to have a baby. I can't say that I don't have that, but it isn't as strong as my desire to adopt. Josh has always been similarly convicted. Hear me, I don't expect people to feel the same way, or disagree with people's desire to make babies. I'm just sharing my story.

And so, with the decision to adopt definite, we set about deciding where to adopt from. I met with a friend who worked for a local adoption agency and learned about their programs. Then we met an amazing woman from Nigeria who offered to help facilitate an adoption from Nigeria. After looking into that for a while we decided against it. We wanted to work with an agency. We wanted everything to be above board and we knew we'd need support. Then I learned that adopting from Ethiopia was an option. Ethiopia had recently begun working with US adoption agencies and so we turned in our application. We decided to adopt an infant, 12 months or under, boy or girl. We launched into preparations, completed our home study, and carefully began sharing with friends and family. And then we waited. This is about where we started the blog.

Our decision wasn't received warmly by everyone (it was by most!). There were concerns and hurtful opinions. But we pushed ahead, doing our best to educate people along the way and learned a lot in the process.

Adoption is not the answer to poverty. Adoption provides a home for a few children. A very small percentage of the world's orphans get adopted. Most end up being absorbed by an overburdened extended family, left homeless, institutionalized, or die. Adoption is not perfect, but there is no perfect answer for orphans or poverty. One friend, an expert in serving the poor told me the following story. Suppose you come to a river and see a child getting carried away by the rapids, sure to die. You jump in and rescue the child, pulling them ashore. Not long after, you find another child drowning in the river. Again, you jump in and rescue the child from certain death. You stay at the river, and child after child sweep by in need of rescue. Eventually, you must pull yourself away, and venture up the river to find out why they are being thrown in in the first place. You can help more children that way. Stop it at the source. How do you do that? Give money. Work for an organization that strives to eliminate poverty. Raise awareness so more people do the same. BUT, there are so many kids in that river! Couldn't I do both? Not everyone can walk away. My heart wouldn't let me. I wanted to physically use my life helping one of those children. Maybe someday I'll end up at the mouth of that river, developing and implementing program, raising money and awareness. But for the time being, I was parking myself by that river.

On October 24, 2006 we got the call. Amazingly, Josh and I were both home when the phone rang. We learned we had a son, a 5 month old baby boy. Tesfaye (which means My Hope). Our case worker giggled as she told us about him, "He has so much hair!" As we spoke she e-mailed over his information and a photo. We held our breath as it slowly downloaded. We simply couldn't believe our eyes. We were going to be parents and our son was the most gorgeous child we had ever laid our eyes on. While we were elated, our hearts broke for him and his birth family. We wont share the details here, but obviously children aren't in need of a new family because of happy circumstances. There is always pain.

We printed off several copies of his picture, jumped in our car and drove to my mom's work to share the news. I remember squealing into the phone to relatives as we sped down I5. We then went to Josh's parent's house to celebrate with them. They had recently befriended an Ethiopian woman who helped us pronounce his name, Tes-fy. Later that night we went to my parents house and we sat there together gazing at his little face. My mom called her mom and I listed with overwhelming pride as she described his beauty. I carried is picture around with me and looked at it probably 100 times a day. I was IN LOVE!

To be continued . . .

Digging Deeper

2010-08-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last week in assessment mode. I'm pulling myself out of the blur of everyday parenting, and am analyzing my children and my relationship with them. Somehow this simple change in mindset has brought a lot of perspective. I've been able to handle their issues from a healthier place; with compassion and a determination to help them, rather than to just preserve and protect myself from drama and exhaustion. When I start to parent defensively, when I'm worn out and just hanging on there is no healing - for any of us.

I may be making this sound more dramatic than it is. I'm not trying to create a stir, I'm looking for healing. From the outside we are fine. The kids are thriving, playful, smiley and friendly. They have friends, I have friends, Josh and I love each other, we are all very affectionate, we are involved in our community, etc. The thing about adoptive parenting (and I'm sure this is true of parenting in general), is that many of the most difficult aspects are underneath the "doing" and measurable successes. It is relational and emotional. It is what you feel or don't feel. It is about trust and security. And more than that - but I can't figure out how to describe it.

Maybe that's why, after nearly 3 years together, I feel I need to take a long, honest look at my relationship with my daughters. There have been so many successes and so much progress, and I am thankful! But now that a lot of the visible behavior stuff has worked itself out, we still have work to do on our hearts. I love them, and they love me. This I know! But I missed out on so much of their lives. They have been hurt and terrified and in need. They have learned survival skills that served them well for a time, but are overwhelming and unnecessary in family life. They know how to protect themselves from trusting too much. I have to earn it, over and over and over.

Perhaps the most powerful thing I have realized is that I WANT to earn their trust and love. None of these challenges are their fault. At times I have allowed myself to become a victim of how difficult this can be, and I fail to remember the magnitude of challenge that they have faced. My compassion is renewed. I remember why we adopted them. I desperately want to reach their hearts in a deeper way.

I am asking Jesus for this victory and believing we will get there. I am asking Jesus to heal my children. I am asking for freedom from resentment and for his love to overflow from me onto them. I am asking him to give me wisdom, patience and perspective. I am asking Jesus to draw my children to him, to comfort them and give them life in his name.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons and daughters through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:5-7

Nari's Notions

2010-08-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Nardos set up her jewelry shop (Nari's Notions) on our corner the other day. Before she did it, she asked me for permission and I almost said no. I really wanted to say no. I don't think I ever really said yes, I just kept my mouth shut and didn't say no. My first reaction was to save her (and myself) from embarrassment. I mean, having a 5 year old selling lemonade on your lawn is one thing, but an almost-13-year-old trying to stop traffic with a waving sign is another.

But I should know by now, that when Nardos sets out to do something, she does it well. She hauled out a couple of our bar stools and artfully displayed her lovely items in an easy to spot location on our corner. She made a sign and recruited Hana and Micah to hold it. She told me later that she noticed people wouldn't stop when it was just her out there, but they would stop when Hana and Micah were out dancing around looking cute. So, she paid them to stand with her and smile. She wasn't at all insulted that she didn't get as much attention as the little kids did, she just recognized it and solved the problem. She paid Hana $1 for smiling consistently. Micah got $.50 for smiling part of the time.

She made $35 in 45 minutes. People literally pulled their cars over, got out and bought stuff. I watched from inside, marveling as she happily chatted with her customers and pedaled her merchandise (with Hana and Micah batting their eyelashes). The shoppers would stand, nodding and beaming. Everyone who stopped bought something.

It wound up being the furthest thing from embarrassing. She was over the moon excited with her success, and I am once again awed and proud.

Therapeutic Parenting Videos

2010-08-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

I found some great videos to share! I've tried to upload the actual videos that were helpful to me but I can't get it to work. So, you get a link to Christine Moers youtube channel instead!

Christine's blog was one of the links I posted the other day. I discovered her videos there, and they are very, very helpful. My favorites so far: When our Kids Play Dumb, Nonsense Questions and Chatter, and The Power of your Voice.

In case my link above doesn't work for you, you can copy/past the following ttp://www.youtube.com/profile?user=christinemoers

Adoption and Attachment

2010-08-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Dare I go there? Before I say a thing, I want to emphasize that I am not an expert on adoption or attachment. Not at all. I am simply processing a bit of my own life here okay?

I hesitated over posting this all day. Um, here goes nothing . . .

We are approaching our 3rd famiversary with the girls. While I sometimes grieve how quickly they are growing up, I do not lament this passage of time. Adopting older kids is so hard. The beginning is just so blindingly difficult. Hard for the children, and hard for the parents. It is even challenging for the community around the family. It is an uncommon way to make a family and no one knows what to do. Its hard, get it? Thanks.

It is also amazing, but that's not what I want to talk about right now.

Adopted children need to attach to their new parents and the parents to their children. Court-issued parental rights are only the beginning. Between a biological mother and child, attachment is usually a natural process during pregnancy and infancy. This adoring attachment becomes the base of their relationship for the rest of their lives. Now, of course this doesn't mean that those relationships are perfect or easy, but there is a foundation of mutual love.

Having your kid love you, and you loving your kid is a very important parenting ingredient wouldn't you say? Love doesn't just happen in adoption, though it tends to come easier the younger the child is and the less trauma they have experienced. It forms with intention, and can be an incredibly beautiful example of love, but it takes time, and sacrifice. And this said time does not pass easily. The days are loooooong. There are tears. There are frightening thoughts that you can't say out loud (what would people think?), and even scarier feelings. It is lonely.

This summer is getting long, and as usual, some negative behaviors that my children exhibit are driving me batty. I know, kids sometimes drive their parents crazy. People tell me it's normal, don't freak out. But, when you're dealing with adoption, and especially adoption of older children who have experienced a great deal of loss and pain, it becomes NOT NORMAL. No, some of this is not normal at all.

The behaviors that we are dealing with are generally of the annoying variety. Thankfully, our children do not act out in harmful ways. We are incredibly grateful for this, and do not take that for granted. The kind of stuff that we have going on in our house is mostly aggravating, and seems to be growing in intensity as we intensely experience togetherness over these summer months. (A handful of examples are: playing dumb, incessant nonsense questions, seeking negative attention, excess nervous energy, begging, fear, overeating, hygiene issues and obsession with fairness) Looking back at our other summers together, I see that this has been a trend. School has been more than where my kids go for education, it provides space, which helps keep the peace. And thankfully, these behaviors mostly come out at home, not at school. That is a good thing.

I mean, all things considered, my kids are doing great. I'd say miraculously so. Time (and prayer, intentional parenting, endurance and grace) has solved many of the difficult issues that we faced at the beginning. But after 3 years, and a long summer's worth of crazy-making, I'm ready to admit that we have some attachment issues to work through.

Hello, I am Amanda, and I have attachment issues with my child.

I think a lot of these behaviors stem from a lack of trust. What am I going to do about it? I have no idea. They know in their heads that I am trust worthy, I have proven that. But their life experiences have left doubt and fear in their hearts. It's time I start reading about it again, and I need to sign up for a few of the educational webinars that our agency diligently provides. Why haven't I been doing this all along? I wanted a break from adoption-speak and I haven't wanted to admit something is off. The books are boring and I want to read fun stuff. I've been hoping I'd wake up one morning and everything would be perfect.

As I find helpful articles I'll post links to them here. I think I'm allowed to do this? Here are a few to get started . . .

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ - Katie

http://www.welcometomybrain.net/2010/08/shhhhh-its-pms-week.html - Cristine

If you know of something I should read, please send it to me.

The Cabin 2010

2010-08-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

We spent last Thursday, Friday and Saturday at "the cabin." Last year we planted a tree for my dad and we were all eager to see it and spend a little time together remembering him. The tree is alive and growing, though getting enjoyed a bit too much by the local deer.

We even got a visit from my Grandma Pauline (my dad's mom), my cousin Ansley and my dad's childhood and lifelong friend Greg Crawford. The cabin has always served as a gathering place and we're sure thankful.

We had my nephew Asa with us, but were missing my sister Suzanne and her husband Aaron. Suzi is expecting a daughter (due in November) and has been very sick the entire pregnancy. Instead of the nausea easing up as the pregnancy progresses, it is getting worse. It was a good thing my mom brought Asa, because Suzi wound up in the hospital needing help because she was so dehydrated. Poor thing. We/she would appreciate your prayers.

My kids are currently outdoors playing with friends and I'm inside recovering from food poisoning. I think that's what it was. We made it to church yesterday morning but on the way home it became apparent that something was very wrong. The rest of the day was terrible, but I woke up this morning in much better shape, just a little shaky and tired. It certainly gave me empathy and perspective for what my sister is facing. Only I felt sick for 1 measly day, and she has been miserable for over 6 months. Again, please pray.

Netsie and Drew building rock statues.

Asa doing what kids do at the cabin - getting very dirty.

Rise and Shine! Waiting for pancakes.

They bonded.

S'mores, yum. I employ the golden brown mallow technique. Netsanet (not pictured) is a fan of the catch it on fire and let it burn method.

Josh and Nardos doing the float

Uncle Drew and Netsie

Yes, this made me nervous.

The porch swing is no longer a quiet resting place.

The girls. Nardos, Kelsie (Austin's girlfriend), Hana, Netsie and Auntie Kelly.

The Carlson Family by Dad's tree.

The thing behind the bark is a very cool drip watering system that a thoughtful cabin member put together.

What to say?

2010-08-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in the mood for blogging lately. My mind has been busy thinking about something that I'm not quite ready to share so publicly, or not thinking much at all, and just trying to get through the rest of the summer. As fun as this summer has been, we're ready for school to start. I'm not cool enough to be focused on a private matter, and then come up with interesting, unrelated things to write about. I'm only really inspired to sit down and write if I've been mulling something over, and that current something is going to have to wait.

Also, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to appropriately share my parenting process here. I have an almost 13 year old, and while I'd love to blab about adolescence, I must not become my daughter's worst nightmare and share stuff I shouldn't. So, that doesn't leave me with much to talk about! Ha, ha!

I'm not pregnant, if you were wondering. Now there's something I can write about! Why in the world wouldn't I want to have a baby?! Or, why did we decide to adopt? Maybe another day.

Anyhow . . .

We celebrated Josh's 34th birthday on Friday with the Carlson Family. We barbecued. It was fun.

Happy Birthday my LOVE!

Enjoy the rest of your summer! I hope to have something to talk about some time soon!

I liked this, thought I'd share . . .

2010-07-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful to have read this today.

Long Beach

2010-07-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

Entrepreneurs

2010-07-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

My girls and their friends set up shop last weekend and tried their hand at sales. They were a couple of blocks off of our local Art Festival/Street Fair so they got decent traffic. Nardos (I mean Nari, we're trying to work in a nick name again) and her friend sold jewelry, Netsie and her friend sold lemonade and brownies.

They both sold quite a bit, though their margins were tight. Most importantly, they were overjoyed by the experience and are already scheming up plans for next year.

We leave for a little vacation on the Washington coast tomorrow and the kids are about to explode with excitement. They are all pretty much out of control. It's fun but, wow. Wow. I sure hope the van makes it this time!

My kids have a new life goal

2010-07-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Settling in to summer

2010-07-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

We have had a great week. The kids are playing like kids are supposed to. The sunshine, and my determination to stay home and sit it out seems to have inspired something wonderful. The kids play in the yard and I sit and read. That about sums it up.

At a 4th of July carnival

"I got pie'd"

Party deck at a Tacoma Rainiers game.

Thank you Amaye for the pool. It is getting a work out.

Plan B

2010-06-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

We're a little over a week into summer break and I'm already exhausted.

I had a plan and that plan was to LOVE this summer break and have loads and loads of fun. Turns out my wonderful plan 'A' was a bit far fetched. I imagined hours of frolicking in the parks, long walks, picnics, lazy days of play at home, children laughing, myself happily watching my darlings at play. You know, like the movies? We even had a family meeting on the last day of school where we declared that this would be our BEST SUMMER YET and we would have fun and enjoy each other every day.

Reality has set in. I have 4 kids in 4 different stages with many different interests. I've been trying to keep up with them all, and you know what? It doesn't work.

Nardos wants freedom and responsibility, as long as it doesn't include babysitting her siblings. She wants to sleep in and be left alone. She wants me to take her shopping, just the two of us. She wants her own house keys, and a mobile phone. She wants nicer hair products and has started wearing make-up. She wants a later bed time and to be allowed to watch PG-13 movies. She wants me to drive her here, there and everywhere.

Netsanet wants me, me and more me. She wants to know if I've washed her favorite skirt yet, if I'll buy her another Popsicle from the ice cream man, if I have her friend's phone number, if I will allow her to wear her spaghetti strapped tank top to the park without an undershirt. She wants me to hold her, to watch her do a cart wheel, to listen to her read, to look at her drawing. She wants me to lay on her bed and talk about boys, she wants to tell me every detail about the book she's reading, she wants me to rub her back, she wants me to help her do a lemonade stand.

Hana wants to swim at the YMCA, she wants to go play at her friend's house, she wants her friends to come to our house, she wants to go to the farmer's market, she wants to go to the library, she wants to go to the park, she wants to paint, she wants to plant stuff in the garden, she wants to go to Starbucks, she wants to go visit the neighbor's dog, she wants to go on a hike, she wants to go to the beach, she wants to set up the slip n' slide, she wants to play dress-up, she wants to have a dance party.

Micah wants to wrestle, play chase, have growling contests, build things and then smash them. He wants to give high-fives, harder, harder, harder until it isn't fun anymore. He wants to play with his food, and burp as loud as he can. He wants to crawl up on my lap, pretending to cuddle, and then fart on my legs. He wants to dig big holes in the garden and squish bugs. He wants to sneak up to the girls' room and mess with their stuff. He wants to throw rocks. Oh! How he wants to throw rocks!

And so, while we are busy doing many fun things, they are all in different directions and I can feel my patience running out and my joy growing faint. I need to be intentional about a slower pace and build in a little space for myself or this whole ship might sink. Thus, Plan B. Less activity. Since we've had the girls I have been afraid of just "being" at home. It is hard to explain, but my kids don't "just play" so it has felt easier to keep moving. But this summer they are going to learn to play! Getting really bored might inspire creativity. I'm also going to start paying Nardos to help. In general she is a fantastic help, but now that she is getting paid to babysit other people's kids, I need to step up and offer a little incentive. I had been sticking with the motto, "Helping is part of being in a family," but that got old quick. And rather than stick with it and be miserable, I'll delight her with a little cash, and I'll get the help and space I need. This plan is a lot less ideal. There is no wistful music playing the back ground. The house is a mess, my vacuum is broken and I just confiscated a huge wad of gum that wasn't saying in some one's mouth. But, I think we'll make it. Some days will be great. Some days wont. But there will be fun, and there will be peace, even if I have to pay for it.

A time for play

2010-06-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Two more days of school. Looking forward to a lot more of this . . .

Exploring the trails at Point Defiance Park.

Sweet Netsie

Many hands make light work.

Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool, shootin' some b-ball outside of school . . .

When a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood . . .

Rhododendron princess

He's 4

2010-05-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

Having my baby turn 4 is doing some funky stuff to my heart and hormones.

Waiting for the party to start, Ethiopian style.

A bashful moment

Pirate anything is a winner

Found this just when I needed it . . .

2010-05-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd share. If you have little kids at home, read this.

I got really mad at my little ones on Saturday. I was trying to clean up the house, and while I was digging toys out from under their beds they smeared an entire bottle of lotion all over their naked selves. It could have been funny if I wasn't already at the end of my rope. If I spend too many hours in a row cleaning up other people's messes I start to get cranky. Right before this, one of my older daughters dropped a huge stack of wooden puzzles on my bare feet and it hurt, and I had to hold back the tears. So there I am, hunched over cleaning stuff up, still trying not to cry, and they come in giggling, a wake of lotion behind them. It was expensive lotion too, that I bought because one of my kids was having a rash issue. And there it was, all of it, slathered all over the place. And I was mad. And I let them (and probably the neighbors) know it. And then I felt guilty for being stupid and cried for real. I apologized and they instantly forgave, smiling, kissing, over it.

I however, do not let myself off the hook so easily. I've been carrying it along with me, shame stinging my eyes. I should have just laughed, cleaned them up and put them down for a nap. Or at least not freak out like I did. Instead it was the last straw on my already smoldering attitude. There is so much to learn. And that's why I'm so glad I found this tonight. Maybe you need it too?

Our very own Popeye

2010-05-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

Intentional Positivity

2010-05-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

The van was broken into last night - shattered glass, stolen GPS. I stand dismayed, loaded down with recycling on my way to the alley.

About that positivity . . .

Right now Nardos is braiding Hana's hair, and that almost makes up for it. Here are some photos of the last couple of hair styles I tried. Over inspired after our trip to the braiding salon, I bit of a little more than I can chew. They were a little fuzzy and the designs look nothing like the pictures I was trying to copy, but everyone survived.

Hana's hair from the top. Interesting braid styles are all about part designs.

From the side

Braids tucked under other braids, and two braids merging into one there on the side.

The other side

Nardos did her own hair. A very good thing.

Clean up crew

2010-05-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

What would I do without him?

Sorrows like sea billows roll

2010-05-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

The anniversary of my Dad's passing is here. One year. As my mom said, "How dare it be a year." It seems impossible that life is moving along so rapidly without him, but it is best. Our living and loving honors his life, his investment and his legacy. While there is much joy in knowing he is in heaven, my heart remains broken.

We sang this at his memorial service:
(by Horatio G. Spafford)

When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul!

Though Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin O, the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord O my soul!

And Lord haste the day when the faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll, the trump shall resound and the Lord shall descent, even so - it is well with my soul!

It is well, it is well with my soul!

Abi and Nardos Joy

Abi and Micah Man, as he called him

Abi and brand new baby Asa. He was so proud!

Abi and Netsanet Ann

Abi and Asa

Abi and Micah doing their favorite thing . . .

Abi and Nardos

Abi and Hana Mae

Pictured (L to R): Drew, Austin, Peggy, Stephen, Suzanne, Amanda

Dad's legacy, his life's mission.

Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

- St. Paul, 1 Corinthians 15:57

To God be the Glory!

2010-05-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

Great things He hath taught us, great things He hath done, and great our rejoicing thru Jesus the Son; but purer and higher and greater will be, our wonder, our transport when Jesus we see!

Walking me down the aisle

Dad, his parents and siblings at a family reunion at the ranch.

Mom and Dad, ready for whale watching!

At my sister's wedding

Josh's 30th birthday party!

More good memories

2010-05-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Tubing at the Cabin, his favorite place from childhood to adulthood.

Leading Music

Found the perfect tree

Happy Family

Beautiful Day

2010-05-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

What did this have to do with Sunday School?

Family outing to Yosemite

Dad with his parents and siblings

Fun Christmas memories

He let us throw plates full of whip cream at him at our birthday parties. Now that's love.

Life in all its fullness

2010-05-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - Jesus. John 10:10

And then there were 2 sons!

Family camping

Happy Birthday Dad! He looks so tired! Everything was for the kids, even his birthday parties.

Dad was so good at taking the time to play with us

Pumpkin Patch

A year of loss, a year of healing

2010-05-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

This Saturday marks one year since my dad died. I've decided to post several pictures of him here throughout the week as a small way to honor him.

Sophisticate . . .

Sailing

Young love, Mom and Dad

Me and Dad

At the ranch, Big Valley

Suzanne joins the team, church directory photo

Embrace

2010-05-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

Our most recent family photo. New braids and all.

You know what I've realized? I really, really like being a mom. I wasn't sure there for a while. And please don't mistake that for lack of love or lax responsibility and care, because that was not the case. But there has been a change; a natural settling in of sorts. Up until the last 6 months ago or so, my mind was still very full of dreams that had been put on hold for family. Graduate school, career, travel, a clean house, adult conversation, etc. Along with dreams for the future such as, "When the kids grow up," or "When they're all in school." And yes, we chose to have 4 children (with intention and sacrifice), but that somehow didn't stop my mind from continuing on its conditioned course.

Here's the amazing thing, the dreams are fading. In fact, many of them don't sound good at all any more. School? Not now. I often say I'd like to work outside of the home, but continue to choose not too, so I must not want to so badly after all. As these ideas fade, I am able to more fully embrace my life as a mother to my gorgeous and miraculous children and that acceptance brings with it freedom and contentment. I have made the right choice, there is nothing else I would rather be doing (I'm talking big picture here, believe me, there are still those days). Sure, a trip with my honey to Hawaii would be lovely, but I am happy to wait. My children are growing up way too fast, and since there is no way to slow down time, I might as well slow my mind and savor this experience.

Mother's Day was nice . . . my kiddos were all so proud to give me their gifts they made at school, and Miss Nardos even bought me a Starbucks card. After church I went out to brunch with my mom, we did a little treasure hunting at Value Village and then met up with my brothers for dinner. I came home to 4 kids beside themselves with joy at having spent the entire day playing with their dad. They had played and romped outside all day long, flying kites, blowing bubbles, hitting each other with water baloons and chasing squirls out of our attic.

Happy Mother's Day!

6

2010-05-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hana turned 6 on Wednesday and we had a fun family party. She had a special breakfast date with Josh before school, took cupcakes to her class, came home to decorations, we went bowling and then returned home for barbecued hamburgers, more cake and gifts. She had a great time and was over the top happy with her presents, but still wound up crying by the end. Is that some sort of kid-rule . . . all kids must cry at the end of their party?

Truth be told, she didn't really like bowling, can you tell?

Back to the positive . . .

Here's my happy girl. Opening gifts has that effect . . .

I really can't believe she is 6. That means she has almost lived with us for half of her life. I'm not sure why that is significant to me, its not like I'm in competition with her life in Ethiopia. As more time passes the more confident I feel in my role as her mom, and it feels good. By the time we reach that milestone with Nardos she'll be 20!

Performing Art

2010-05-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Our kids' school has a focus on the arts and lately we've been treated to a couple of fun performances. Nardos was in a play, Captain Bree and her Lady Pirates and Netsanet performed a selection from Charlotte's Web at the Tacoma Art Museum.

Here is my little girl who usually opts to be behind the scenes, having the time of her life on stage. She had a small, fun part which was a perfect introduction theater, and now she is eager for more. I'm not sure if it was the performing experience itself that got her so excited, or if it was all of the stage makeup.

Netsie the goose.

Perspective

2010-04-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening Josh and I snuck out to go walk through a newly built home for sale in the neighborhood. We're always keeping an eye out for a larger home in our area that would better accommodate our family. The house was gorgeous, brand new but done with good old fashioned craftsman style. The house had that extra bedroom we think we need and lots of stuff we don't need (but would happily take), beautiful details, a big (huge actually) master bedroom, a nice back yard with room to play. As we drove home we talked and schemed, and came to the conclusion that we can't afford it. Duh.

When we got home we could hear music blaring as soon as we stepped out of the car. We walked in to a full fledged dance party, hand-me-down prom dresses and all. The house was full of giggles, fun and music and all of my desires for more, better and bigger vanished. Our sweet house is overflowing (quite literally) with blessings and I couldn't be happier.

I wish I was a baller . . .

2010-04-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

I think we may have a basketball star on our hands. Or at least another family member who really likes to play basketball. This was Nardos' 2nd year of YMCA basketball and I would say she had a break-through season. One of her last games she had 12 points, to the absolute astonishment of her parents and coach. It was so cool, that it was a little weird.

Another break-through she recently experienced is academic. She had so much catching up to do it overwhelmed me on her behalf (who me? worry?). But she kept plugging along, calm and determined and sure enough, she is doing great. The best part is that she loves school and enjoys learning.

I can't resist bragging a bit, especially when it comes to Nardos. She is such a sweet and humble person who blushes at the slightest compliment. She has a quiet confidence, deep faith and a steady pace that consistently carries her past all expectations. Here's hoping her new fascination with cooking follows the same course . . . yum.

Zoo with our buddies

2010-04-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

Shark attack!

I couldn't be more proud of all these kids.

Growth or defeat?

2010-04-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I looked out my kitchen window to see 3 of my children running around in my pretty shade garden. We have a lawn, but apparently it is more fun to run around on top of my plants. My tender hostas, ferns and beginning-to-bud ground cover got a thorough trampling. What surprised me was that I found myself smiling at their fun, glad that they were playing outdoors in the nice weather. Then I started wondering if my out-of-character response was a sign of growth as a parent, or evidence of defeat. I'm so used to everything I work on being undone, used up or ruined by the end of every day, maybe I'm giving up. Or, am I learning to let go and have some fun (or rather, let my kids have fun)?

Good Hair

2010-04-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

I need to see that movie! When we were preparing to adopt the girls I knew I had a lot to learn about caring for their hair, but I had no idea all that was involved. Turns out I not only signed up to parent, nurture and provide for my daughters, I also signed up to care for their hair, which is no small feat. Some days hair care feels like one of the biggest components of our world, which is backwards, but a reality. Three girls with kinky curly hair that needs to be braided. Three! Hair care is a huge part of African American culture and is now a large part of our family culture. There's no getting around it.

Thanks to a very special someone, I was able to take all 3 girls to have their hair braided in a braiding salon on Sunday. An incredible treat for them, and a welcome break for me!

Here are pictures from their day of pampering.

Here is a good before picture of Netsanet, unbraided and unwashed. You can also see Hana reflected in the background. Do you see why braids are their best option? The girls got to practice their braiding skills on the shop mannequins. Fun huh?

Hana getting started with a wash and deep condition. Kia, the amazing braider/stylist gave me high marks on my hair care report card. Her main suggestion to me was to use a better conditioning product and be more diligent about daily oiling. I was prepared to get my hand slapped for not knowing what I'm doing, so I was pleased . . . and appreciated having the girls hear from a professional that I do a good job.

Nardos took the longest because she has a ton of hair. Kia was amazed by how much hair she has and encouraged her to keep it natural. Nardos wanted twists, so she was braided with wet hair because the fresh curls help lock in the twists.

Here is Hani after a wash and comb through. Kia braided her hair into 4 big braids and then put her under the dryer to let her hair "rest" for a bit while she washed Netsie. She encouraged me to do the same after a wash, so it must help something, not sure what. If anything it is a good stalling technique if you can't sit down and braid it all right away because letting the hair dry and kink up makes for a braiding disaster.

After Hana sat under the dryer, Kia took out the big braids and dried all of her hair with a blow dryer with comb attachment which straightened it out and made the parting and braiding much easier. That was the biggest news flash of the day. I am going to need to get one of those gadgets.

All done! After this she sat under the dryer to let the twists "set." I was told that with the right kind of styling product, this twist style can be carefully untwisted and separated into many smaller coils. This creates a "star burst" style and she will be able to wear it "out" for a week or so if she takes good care of it.

Netsie, post wash and out from the dryer. This is what I start to look like after a long day of braiding at home. This is good example of why big braids aren't a good long-term option. It did give me a good Halloween idea however . . .

The salon, Classy and Sassy Braids in Lakewood (253-589-6668) has books full of braiding ideas and patterns. Kia let the girls choose what they wanted and then magically replicated it. Braiding is an art form! I'm telling you, learning about ethnic hair care has been like walking into another dimension I never knew existed. Spending the day in the salon was a great way to learn more and bond with my girls. Now we just have to figure out how to make it this fun at home.

Because it makes me laugh . . .

2010-04-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

Laugh at myself, that is. I laugh at Micah too, because he's always good for a giggle, but these scenes make me laugh at my pre-parent self and all of my ideals. A lot of things that used to be so very important to me are now funny memories. My son has his own ideas about things and life is a whole lot easier, and a lot more fun if I lay off and let him be who he is. A wonderful, stubborn, creative, intense, curious, darling little rascal who is growing up way too fast. For a review of his weapon archives, click here and here.

Pop-gun practice

Sword fight

Duplo Lego sharp shooter

Hanger/screwdriver crossbow

Carlson/Griswold Family Vacation

2010-04-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

Our family got away on our 3rd annual mini vacation up to Birch Bay, WA over Spring Break last week - barely. About 15 minutes into our drive our van broke down (surprise of the century) and we found ourselves in a sad, smoking heap along the side of the highway. Thankfully we were about a mile from my mom's work so we smoked and sputtered our way there, where we called for a tow and consoled our crying children with some chocolate.

We borrowed my mom's car to get the kids and myself home, while Josh waited for the tow truck. When we got home I realized I didn't have house keys so we spent our special treat money on some teriyaki and waited around in our yard for Josh to arrive with the keys. We couldn't possibly miss out on our much anticipated vacation so we moved all of our stuff and our 4 frantic-to-get-out-of-town children into Josh's truck (I think legally), and hit the road just in time for rush hour traffic. But we made it! And someday in the future we'll have a good laugh about it right? I was actually pretty proud of our family, myself especially, for not completely falling apart in the process. If we had broken down further from home we would have been in a hot mess, so I guess I can be thankful for an "ideal break-down locale."

The car is still broken and Josh is ordering all sorts of parts on-line to try to fix it himself. He tells me he pretty much has to take apart the entire engine and dash to get to the problem area so it should be interesting. Booo.

What a fun dad. I have fantastic memories of swimming with my dad as a kid.

Kids can swim for hours. I have never seen one of my children voluntarily get out of a swimming pool.

Sea combing

A big stick to hit stuff with!

No pictures of Nardos this time because she wont let me take any, or she'll frown intentionally when I pull out the camera. She wrote things like, "I'm not crazy" in the sand as we explored the beach and talked a lot about wanting to be able to drive. Adolescence is in full swing and I'm doing my best to navigate it with her and give her the space she needs to . . . I'm not sure what, process? Despite the challenges of growing up she continues to be incredibly sweet tempered and fun to live with. We're on the cusp of the teen years though, and I'm nervous.

All in all we had a fun little family trip and the kids are already looking forward to next year.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T17:39:00.000-07:00

We just wrapped up our Easter party where we followed our family tradition of eating lots of indulgent food and then eating some more. If anyone needs a chocolate fix come on over, the Easter bunny was especially generous this year (thank you Amaye, Grandma Natty, Hachie, and Tori). Hope you all had beautiful celebrations!

New skills

2010-03-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Micah has "helped" Josh with a couple of car repair projects and loves messing around with tools in the garage. Here he is doing is very first solo oil change.

Rollerskating night with friends from church! If you can get past the fright of watching your kids crash onto a concrete floor time and time again, it is an absolute riot. It is amazing what their little bodies can sustain without serious injury.

Just tryin' to make a livin'

2010-03-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

I've gone back to work with Josh. We made the decision about a week ago and I'm still surprised.

We worked together before for about 2 years. Back in 2004 I quit my job to join Josh in his real estate business for a couple of reasons: 1) he worked weekends and evenings and we rarely saw each other and 2) at the time the real estate market was red hot, he was doing well and getting busier and needed some back up. While it wasn't a complete disaster, it was a strain. We work very differently, and we were in conflict way too often. I squished his happy world with my desire to keep track of every little detail. He made a couple of big decisions without me and I freaked out in ways that our neighbors are probably still talking about. He wouldn't follow through with something I had spent a lot of time on and I would feel disrespected. I would re-do something he had done and he would be offended. You get the idea. Oh, and we only had one car and the time, so I was often (way too often) stuck at home waiting for him. Do you know what it feels like to always be waiting for someone? It stinks.

Then we adopted Micah and my involvement tapered off. I still kept track of business happenings and would help here and there, but my focus was my baby.

Then we adopted the girls and I checked out completely, except of course for my valuable contribution of worry and anxiety about money. My role became that of "money saver" and Josh was the "money maker."

Josh has been working his tail off for our family in this troublesome market without much of a break. He really likes what he does, and doesn't want to leave it behind, so we're doing our best to stick with it. After a couple of especially hairy weeks, where he might as well have been out of town he was gone so much, it occurred to me that it was time for me to get back in the mix. So, after a short discussion, the decision was made. It is better this time around because Josh's business has changed in such a way that there are a few very specific things I can do to bring in a little money. This makes me feel good and it is a huge relief to him. We've talked over the struggles we encountered last time and feel confident we can avoid many of them and have the "tools" to deal with them should they arise (thank you marriage counseling). And, I'll be working from home, so there is no childcare expense, though our movie supply is getting a work out.

My first week "back at work" has been a busy one. My kids are getting tired of peanut butter sandwiches and bean burritos for dinner, and we're all running out of clean clothes, but our adjustment is going well. Anyone looking to buy a house? Anyone out there work with a bank and want to give us a shot at selling foreclosed properties? Give us a call!

Early Spring

2010-03-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

I took Hana and Netsie to a Fancy Nancy tea party at our library last weekend. It was very fun and has inspired a lot of imaginative "fancy" play at home.
A fancy home-made tea party for my fancy little darlings.

What a fancy ballerina!

We've had some nice spring-like weather around these parts lately allowing us to get outside and play a little. Here are the kids scrambling around at Point Defiance Park.

Allied Forces

2010-03-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

If you're local you've probably heard that 5 middle schools in Tacoma fell into the lowest 5% of all schools in Washington state. One of them is Jason Lee Middle School, the school my daughter is going to next year. What this means is the Federal Government is getting involved and laying down some massive requirements for change.

Why the low scores? Is it because it is a bad school with slacker teachers and terrible administration? No. My experience with the school and its staff so far has been remarkable. The reason for the low test scores is because Tacoma offers its citizens open enrollment. As long as there is space in a school a parent can have their child go to whichever school they wish. I'm not sure what got it started, but for years families in our neighborhood have been moving their children to different middle schools in Tacoma. Negative attitudes and fear abound and what has happened is that most of the "high-testers" have ended up crowding into a few schools and there is a high concentration of "low-testers" at the other schools. And, many of the "low-testers" come from low income, minority families. I'm in no position to try to explain the social intricacies behind that, but it is rather obvious that poverty and lack of family support equals low performance in school. Have you heard of the Achievement Gap?

Shouldn't this motivate us to be more involved and advocate for our community, its children and its schools rather than withdraw?

I have to admit though, when this news reached my ears I got scared. My mind raced ahead and I started coming up with a variety of back up plans. Home school, searching for scholarships for private schools, etc.

But I've been digging around asking questions and tonight I went to the district's school improvement project open house. There, I got to meet with the school principal, the district's superintendent of middle education and a handful of other concerned and involved parents.

The result? Jason Lee Middle School, you have just earned yourself a very motivated ally. I am ready to get involved and help the staff provide a solid education for my daughter and for the children in our community. So far I have only been mildly involved in PTA and other parent driven programs but I'm planning to dive in at the middle school. Hopefully to my daughter's benefit, and not her embarrassment*.

The parents I met tonight reported that their children are having a very positive experience at Jason Lee and shook their heads at all of the bad press.

My knee jerk reaction is to protect my kids and give them the best. But if I really think things over, removing them from the community is not the best. And so, we're sticking with it. Please join us!

*You know how people sometimes have those incredibly awkward "naked dreams" where they're out in public nude and helpless? Well, Nardos has those dreams about me. Instead of being naked herself in the dream, she runs into me, completely naked in a public place. And of course, it ruins her life forever. Wow. I know I've never been especially cool, but when did I become so lame and embarrassing? Motherhood, it does wonders for self esteem.

Monday, Monday

2010-03-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly surfacing from my bout of motherhood blues. These feelings come and go. When I'm feeling good I can't imagine ever feeling discontent with my darling family, but when I'm in the dumps I can't imagine any of us turning out to be decent people. My mind causes all sorts of trouble.

As I've examined my poor attitude over the last week I think I've figured something out about myself that doesn't do anyone any favors. I am a poor maintainer. I like to build and when I start to get restless I assume I need to build more, do more or change everything and start over. I start thinking about moving, or having/adopting more children, or running away by myself to become a gypsy. All of this is nonsense (for now) because I have already built a large, usually pretty good family, and I need to focus on making our family a comfortable, safe environment for everyone involved. Believe me, there is enough challenge there to keep anyone busy for a very, very long time. Which isn't necessarily maintaining, but there isn't a specific "destination" to work toward, which means I don't have that adrenaline charge I enjoy.

Last night Micah awoke crying out for me. I found him sitting up in bed surrounded by vomit and diarrhea. Somehow, seeing my little man so sick and needing me brought me right out of my fog and back into action. Not that I spent last week doing nothing, there was plenty of doing, but it felt heavy and lacked purpose. Amazing how one sick little kid can make a mess in an instant that keeps 2 adults up cleaning for over an hour. In the end Micah wound up sleeping in our bed, snuggled up in a protective nest of bath towels with the throw-up bowl standing by.

This morning the schedule is cleared and here I sit with my baby on my lap and it feels so right.

Our week is full of activities, meetings, and commitments. There will be lots of the same, driving to and fro, laundering, cooking, cleaning. But this week, I pray that I will do better at seeing the purpose and the people behind all of the hustle and that will make it all worth it.

Is it bedtime yet?

2010-02-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days. Nothing happened to make it bad, it just was. For me alone though, the kids are fine, and enjoying themselves as usual.

Josh has been gone most of the time lately either working hard trying to drum up some business or working hard on the used and abused vacant rental house. And despite how thankful I am that he is doing everything he can to support our family, another part of me starts to feel trapped and resentful. This is irrational because I should be thrilled by his responsibility and industriousness, but rational because I AM trapped. Today, after trying to organize the kids and get the house cleaned up I was getting so dangerously grumpy I called it quits, loaded everyone up and went to the park. I even stopped and got myself a coffee to try to sooth my sorry for myself feelings. The sun was shining and I figured getting myself out into it had to help. But the park was overrun by adolescent boys having snot rocket contests and I had that ants-in-my-pants, wanting to go do something else feeling, even though there was nothing else to do. I either parent at home, parent at the park, parent at the grocery store, parent at the YMCA, or parent in the car. Lately all I am is a mom, and it is crushing and squeezing my brains out.*

We wound up at the YMCA, watching Nardos' basketball game, something I had been looking forward to. But I didn't enjoy it. I watched the clock the entire time, vowing that when it was over I would drop the kids off at home and go DO SOMETHING by myself. I needed space, I needed something. But as we drove home I realized I had no idea what to do. I could have called a friend, but I really just wanted to be alone. I could have gone to a coffee shop, but sitting still and being tranquil with a cup of tea wasn't the answer either. So I went home and made them dinner, cleaned up dinner, encouraged/ordered them to go play upstairs, did some laundry and watched the clock until bedtime.

And now, with a quiet house and a few hours to myself (Josh is installing toilets and shower surrounds, bless his heart) I still feel wound up and nervous. So I vent, hoping for a salve.

Tomorrow I'll only have 2 kids to wrangle; Nardos and Netsanet have a date with their new horse friends in the afternoon. Maybe I'll do something wild and rebellious and re-braid Hana's hair or make a pot of refried beans.

*Yes, I know, being a mother is a precious gift, and I should be nothing but grateful. The longer I'm at this though, the less recognizable I am to myself. In some ways this is good, there are parts of me that needed to be forcefully removed, but mostly it terrifies me. The who am I vortex is sucking me in!

Wild West

2010-02-20T18:42:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we went horseback riding! A friend invited us out, and what I thought would be a quick "hi horsey, bye horsey," turned into hours of riding and equine education. It was very cool.

Their horses were incredibly sweet and gentle.

Three Amiga's

I had no idea what I was doing and the horse knew it.

Micah liked the horses but most enjoyed the open space to run and chase.

I'm still picking hay out of her hair.

A must read . . . must, must, must!

2010-02-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

Please read this. The entire blog is fantastic, but this post is very important. There is a negative buzz in the air about international adoption as the media examines the orphan crisis in Haiti. If you find yourself becoming skeptical about adoption, please read this. She argues the other side of the issue beautifully.

This too. This post is also excellent and on the same subject.